View Full Version : Ask Me About My....
We've all seen those bumper stickers, right? The Ask Me About My Grandkids... Bla bla bla. I felt like getting one that said, "Ask Me About My Not So Fresh Days". But being single, I thought better of it.
Everyone has something that they're proud of. First place in Skeet shooting. All Time Winner of The Burping Contest At Uncle Als. My favorite: Able to Suck A golf Ball Through A Garden Hose... Don't ask.
What would your bumper sticker say? Details! I want evid... I mean details!
Jennafer
02-18-02, 08:35AM
My bumper would read " I'd rather be driving " or " If you can read this, call 911 " I'll think of more later. I just woke up and I need crapacino. see? I can't even spell. :winkkiss:
Hmmmm.... I think mine would say, "Ask Me About My Juvenile Deliquents." Hey! I like that! I just may put that on my front license cover. My back one says, "My other auto is a 9MM".:D
Well, hmmm. I am told mine should read "Approach me and die."
I have a look!? I am the most mellow person you'd ever meet and people think I'm mean or something. Thing is, when I don't know anyone I'm very quiet, observing and apparently got quite a sourpuss. It's unintentional, but apparently it's there. I've tried to modify it a bit, but *cough*old*cough* habits are damn hard to break people!
My bumper sticker reads "I won't flash my titties cause they belong to berly!"
PMS ...
Berly,
I hope your not a dude cause I will most likely propose marriage to you in my next post, and can't walk too well in pumps yet. I did get my dress dry cleaned though.
Signed ...
THINKING OUT LOUD
How about "Ask Me about Your Boyfriend"... That outta start a conversation in the car!
She: "Haha! Look at that bumper sticker!"
He: "Heh. That's a good one!"
-----Silence------
She: "Well?"
He: "Well what?"
She: "You know what."
He: "Huh? Wha... The bumper sticker chick?"
She: "So you've met?!"
He: "I don't even know her."
She: "Oh sure. That's what you all say. Cheater."
He: "Oh G-d..."
Originally posted by dancingchris
My bumper sticker reads "I won't flash my titties cause they belong to berly!"
PMS ...
Berly,
I hope your not a dude cause I will most likely propose marriage to you in my next post, and can't walk too well in pumps yet. I did get my dress dry cleaned though.
Signed ...
THINKING OUT LOUD
Being a So Cal guy, you have to listen to Leykis, don't you? If it weren't for the 20 minutes of fat burning systems and magical hair growing commercials, I'd listen more often. Flash Friday - Headlights ON.
I am, indeed, a chick. However, x-nay on the umps-pay and ess-dray. I won't marry someone who might be prettier than me on that (gag) special day.
Now that I've actually gotten close - but still no cookie - to a proposal for marriage, my mother can die happy and move on to blaming me for not accepting, or something.
hahaha ... Diva, I have dated you before?
No worries berly ... I make an extremely unattractive drag queen and an even homelier man. The good news is, I still love nature in spite of what it did to me.
This public rejection is taking it's toll, so I will send my proposal to you via PM, or even email.
*berly's mom keeps checking email and pm thingie*
Excuse me Mr. Chris, sir. I am berly's mom. I am getting on in years. You are my last hope. My daughter, see...well, she has no manners and no social skills. Her father and I have tried to figure out what we did wrong...what caused our little girl to grow up so...so...ungirlie. She seems to love 3rd grade humor and she can't understand what all the hoo ha is over being married and things like that. She refuses to "act like a girl" and this has been extra hard on me. We will never forgive ourselves for allowing her two older brothers to influence her like that. *mom silently sobs*
My daughter is nearing her 33rd birthday. She's had boyfriends and relationships...with some guys that I really liked too! Alas, she insisted on being happy or some ridiculous thing, and the last relationship ended. You can imagine a mother's horror! I'm convinced that you are my last hope. Send any proposals to me at: grievingmom.com
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love,
Mom
* hugging berly's mom, wiping the tears away *
Softly whispering, "It's OK, It's OK now,"
Ya know Mom ... all this ***** perfect sense to me now. She was obviously unsatisfied with her "normal" hetrosexual relationships. Don't blame yourself! She has been a VICTIM of societies cruelest stereotype, a casualty of the tom-boy hating public.
Once placed in my charge, I shall cradle her atop my steaming mound of ferrimonious-man-gina-meat. The voices will soon convince her that my brand of gender bending TS love will all but insure her future happiness.
My female sensuality combined with her boyish charm shall deliver us from social discord. An irresistable combination sure to sky rocket us to the top of the "A list". No longer will will your family needlessly suffer the grinding stares and endless "will she ever get married" remarks.
I am here for my precious cargo ... we sail at dawn!
Love,
Chris
Redallnite
02-20-02, 08:22PM
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats . . . they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . . ."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"Forget about World Peace . . . Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"I souport publik edekasion"
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' . . . till you can find a rock."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."
"I'm a corporate executive, I keep things from happening."
Why did my mom call a catering company and walk into a chuch for the first time in 15 years? She smiled at me in a very eerie way...
*berly shivers as the ghost of happy mom passes through her*
ozblonde
02-21-02, 12:49PM
Redallnite wins those are great. I like that one
*horn broken watch for finger
Originally posted by ozblonde
Redallnite wins those are great. I like that one
*horn broken watch for finger
I know! The chick is on a roll, dag nabbit! One of my favorites:
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' . . . till you can find a rock."
It's either because Mom is happy you love me or you have been hitting the Xanax.
Either way ... is fine with me:D
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