JakeD
02-22-05, 12:50AM
Well, I'm aching to work on something, so I've got the proceedings of a short story going. I want to know what you guys think before I continue...it's a bit heavy on the profanity and all that good stuff, so I just want to forewarn you. Either way, I'm floundering for some sort of input, I guess. :P
“Don’t point that thing at me.”
He didn’t listen.
“HEY, MOTHERFUCKER!” I screamed. “DON’T POINT THAT THING AT ME!”
That seemed to get his attention. Cleve shrugged absentmindedly and blurted a quick “Sorry.”
“ ‘S’aight, bro, just don’t fuckin’ shoot me in the face like you did that guy and we’re cool.” I scratched my head in a rather irritated fashion. “So what in the living hell do you want to do with him? Hell, you offed him, I should leave the responsibility to you, you dumb bastard.”
Clive shrugged again. He was never big on words, but he had no problem with filling some cocksucker’s face with an entire clip’s worth of fifty-cal bullets. Fucking moron. “Well, Donnie…I guess we should load ‘im in the back of the truck, for starters.”
“What fucking truck, Cleve? You drove it into the guy’s shack! If you can get that motherfucker to run, I’ll give you the best blowjob you ever had.”
“Wouldn’t beat that fish I caught yesterday, man. I dragged that lil’ ol’ bass in and slipped him on my dick, and it was like heaven. HEAVEN! You don’t get that kinda pleasure from any woman.”
”Goddammit, just shut up about that goddamn fish. You’re fucked in the head, Cleve. You’re one stupid son of a bitch, but you’re crazier than a shithouse rat. Only problem is, nobody sees it but me.”
I mopped an ungodly amount of sweat from my face. The current situation had me sweating like a fat woman in an orgy, but the sweltering West Texas weather didn’t help much either. Fucking sun. I wish we’d just get some rain. A few days’ worth, like those East Texas assholes seem to get all the time. Just enough to wash us clean. To wash away this situation.
I was too caught up in wishful thinking. Cleve brought me back to Earth by stomping on my left foot. The same foot that was recovering from the most godawful ingrown toenail ever. I retaliated by screaming like a woman and slapping the living shit out him.
He gasped and rubbed his cheek like it had never happened before. Kinda reminded me of my ex.
I guess I owe you guys the privilege of explaining just how all this came to be. My name’s Donnie Calver. I work at a hardware store in Van Horn, Texas, along with my piss-poor excuse of a buddy named Cleveland McClelland. We’ve known each other for around about a decade, all starting when the redneck bastard got caught drinking beer in the lumberyard, and I took up for him and said that I brought it to share. We both got suspended for a week, so I figured “Why not at least get acquainted with him. I ain’t got nothing better to do aside from maybe jack off to that cute blonde from Good Morning, America.”
“Don’t point that thing at me.”
He didn’t listen.
“HEY, MOTHERFUCKER!” I screamed. “DON’T POINT THAT THING AT ME!”
That seemed to get his attention. Cleve shrugged absentmindedly and blurted a quick “Sorry.”
“ ‘S’aight, bro, just don’t fuckin’ shoot me in the face like you did that guy and we’re cool.” I scratched my head in a rather irritated fashion. “So what in the living hell do you want to do with him? Hell, you offed him, I should leave the responsibility to you, you dumb bastard.”
Clive shrugged again. He was never big on words, but he had no problem with filling some cocksucker’s face with an entire clip’s worth of fifty-cal bullets. Fucking moron. “Well, Donnie…I guess we should load ‘im in the back of the truck, for starters.”
“What fucking truck, Cleve? You drove it into the guy’s shack! If you can get that motherfucker to run, I’ll give you the best blowjob you ever had.”
“Wouldn’t beat that fish I caught yesterday, man. I dragged that lil’ ol’ bass in and slipped him on my dick, and it was like heaven. HEAVEN! You don’t get that kinda pleasure from any woman.”
”Goddammit, just shut up about that goddamn fish. You’re fucked in the head, Cleve. You’re one stupid son of a bitch, but you’re crazier than a shithouse rat. Only problem is, nobody sees it but me.”
I mopped an ungodly amount of sweat from my face. The current situation had me sweating like a fat woman in an orgy, but the sweltering West Texas weather didn’t help much either. Fucking sun. I wish we’d just get some rain. A few days’ worth, like those East Texas assholes seem to get all the time. Just enough to wash us clean. To wash away this situation.
I was too caught up in wishful thinking. Cleve brought me back to Earth by stomping on my left foot. The same foot that was recovering from the most godawful ingrown toenail ever. I retaliated by screaming like a woman and slapping the living shit out him.
He gasped and rubbed his cheek like it had never happened before. Kinda reminded me of my ex.
I guess I owe you guys the privilege of explaining just how all this came to be. My name’s Donnie Calver. I work at a hardware store in Van Horn, Texas, along with my piss-poor excuse of a buddy named Cleveland McClelland. We’ve known each other for around about a decade, all starting when the redneck bastard got caught drinking beer in the lumberyard, and I took up for him and said that I brought it to share. We both got suspended for a week, so I figured “Why not at least get acquainted with him. I ain’t got nothing better to do aside from maybe jack off to that cute blonde from Good Morning, America.”