JakeD
01-09-05, 09:41PM
So. I’m kicking back in the shower, chilling under the boiling hot stream of water, slathering my face with shaving cream and soaking my razorblade. I turn to my shower mirror and start shaving away, and I hear the phone ring. I continue shaving, and suddenly I hear Diva get up and start walking down the hall. It must have been important for her to get up on her recovering knee and walk to the bathroom. She pounded on the door and asked, “Are you in the shower?” I looked at my surroundings and the thick fog curling around the bathroom and yelled, “Yes…” She opened the door and said “It’s Washington Mutual Fraud Protection.” My mind spiraled into total paranoiac mode, and I expected the worst.
Then, the morning’s proceedings smacked back into my brain. I woke up, felt like looking at porn, filled out for a SexKey along with a 3-day trial for $39.97 past the trial period, and went through the first transaction. Declined. My brain yelled “WTF” and I tried it again. Second time was a charm, and I had my hot porno action. I cancelled the trial and went on checking stuff out. I didn’t really think about the possibility of the bank calling me on a failed internet transaction. So here I am, shower running in the background, face half-shaven, butt-ass naked as the day I was born aside from some ape-like body hair. I took the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, this is ---- from --- --- Fraud Protection, and I wanted to, um, make sure that you made a transaction with your card this morning over the Internet?” Hot teen sex. Internal cumshots. “Yes ma’am.” We went through the entire certification thing. In my mind, I remembered the cute black lesbians. “So…we just, um, wanted to make sure that you DID actually make this transaction for $39.97?” Light bondage. Gangbangs.
I looked up at Diva, who knew what I had paid for on my card that morning, and she was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Um, well, it wasn’t actually supposed to make the transaction. You see, there was a trial, and I cancelled it.” “Right. Well, then…” “I’ll keep an eye on my account, and if the transaction does happen, then I’ll give you guys a call.” “Thanks for the call, ----. Have a nice evening.”
News n Stuff
º Woman carjacked while asking for directions (http://www.nbc4.tv/news/4065437/detail.html). Bastard
º Record number of trees recycled in Chicago (http://www.nbc5.com/news/4063585/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=2265994&dppid=65195). Good.
º Students strip-searched for missing $10 (http://www.local6.com/news/4061915/detail.html). *pole-dances*
º Woman ignores flood warning,drives off bridge (http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-1442_1644849,00.html). Way to go
º Tortoise adopts baby hippopotamus (http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11882216%255E13762,00.html). Ugly tortoise.. :p
º Hooker leads cops to pedophile (http://www.local10.com/news/4060823/detail.html). HA!
º Schoolkids sick of horseshit (http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/38149.htm). No, really.
º Mom loses fingers in lawnmower in attempt to kill kids (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005011218,00.html). Karma.
º Virus breaks out on cruise ship (http://www.local6.com/news/4065009/detail.html). *cough* 2 tickets plz?
º Driver & $180k of nickels gone (http://www.nypost.com/news/nationalnews/38123.htm). Why?
º Sanitation workers return money (http://www.nbc4.tv/irresistible/4062771/detail.html). Cool!
º Obese kid could die if returned to mom (http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0107ObeseBattle07-ON.html). *blinks*
º Students set to use astronomy toilet paper (http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/news/20050108p2a00m0dm007000c.html). Uh.
Levity
º From Bane. That's all I can really say. (http://fly.to/zerglingpolka)
º Nintendo Entertainment Center (http://www.random6.com/nec/)
º Awesome Optical Illusions (http://www.fun4all.dk/eyetricks/index.htm) Thanks Thaum!
º Nitpicker's Guide to LOTR (http://jackflannel.org/lotr/)
º Chuting Stars Game (http://terminatorx.jaildog.com/titles/bluesquare/chutingstars/gameplay.php?)
º Sexy Cheerleader Gets Naked (http://www.exposedteenagers.com/154/r075.html)
http://www.ragingtexan.com/misc/jakeban.jpg (http://www.ragingtexan.com)
Then, the morning’s proceedings smacked back into my brain. I woke up, felt like looking at porn, filled out for a SexKey along with a 3-day trial for $39.97 past the trial period, and went through the first transaction. Declined. My brain yelled “WTF” and I tried it again. Second time was a charm, and I had my hot porno action. I cancelled the trial and went on checking stuff out. I didn’t really think about the possibility of the bank calling me on a failed internet transaction. So here I am, shower running in the background, face half-shaven, butt-ass naked as the day I was born aside from some ape-like body hair. I took the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, this is ---- from --- --- Fraud Protection, and I wanted to, um, make sure that you made a transaction with your card this morning over the Internet?” Hot teen sex. Internal cumshots. “Yes ma’am.” We went through the entire certification thing. In my mind, I remembered the cute black lesbians. “So…we just, um, wanted to make sure that you DID actually make this transaction for $39.97?” Light bondage. Gangbangs.
I looked up at Diva, who knew what I had paid for on my card that morning, and she was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Um, well, it wasn’t actually supposed to make the transaction. You see, there was a trial, and I cancelled it.” “Right. Well, then…” “I’ll keep an eye on my account, and if the transaction does happen, then I’ll give you guys a call.” “Thanks for the call, ----. Have a nice evening.”
News n Stuff
º Woman carjacked while asking for directions (http://www.nbc4.tv/news/4065437/detail.html). Bastard
º Record number of trees recycled in Chicago (http://www.nbc5.com/news/4063585/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=2265994&dppid=65195). Good.
º Students strip-searched for missing $10 (http://www.local6.com/news/4061915/detail.html). *pole-dances*
º Woman ignores flood warning,drives off bridge (http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-1442_1644849,00.html). Way to go
º Tortoise adopts baby hippopotamus (http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11882216%255E13762,00.html). Ugly tortoise.. :p
º Hooker leads cops to pedophile (http://www.local10.com/news/4060823/detail.html). HA!
º Schoolkids sick of horseshit (http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/38149.htm). No, really.
º Mom loses fingers in lawnmower in attempt to kill kids (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005011218,00.html). Karma.
º Virus breaks out on cruise ship (http://www.local6.com/news/4065009/detail.html). *cough* 2 tickets plz?
º Driver & $180k of nickels gone (http://www.nypost.com/news/nationalnews/38123.htm). Why?
º Sanitation workers return money (http://www.nbc4.tv/irresistible/4062771/detail.html). Cool!
º Obese kid could die if returned to mom (http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0107ObeseBattle07-ON.html). *blinks*
º Students set to use astronomy toilet paper (http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/news/20050108p2a00m0dm007000c.html). Uh.
Levity
º From Bane. That's all I can really say. (http://fly.to/zerglingpolka)
º Nintendo Entertainment Center (http://www.random6.com/nec/)
º Awesome Optical Illusions (http://www.fun4all.dk/eyetricks/index.htm) Thanks Thaum!
º Nitpicker's Guide to LOTR (http://jackflannel.org/lotr/)
º Chuting Stars Game (http://terminatorx.jaildog.com/titles/bluesquare/chutingstars/gameplay.php?)
º Sexy Cheerleader Gets Naked (http://www.exposedteenagers.com/154/r075.html)
http://www.ragingtexan.com/misc/jakeban.jpg (http://www.ragingtexan.com)