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View Full Version : FINALLY!


Bassmama
11-20-04, 08:46AM
They FINALLY caught someone doing something with foreign children that used to be a regular & accepted practice here in the US. (I'm not referring to Michael Jacksonism!) Please read this- http://www.democratandchronicle.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20041120/NEWS01/411200326

As an adoptee, I did a search for my birthmother about 4 years ago. I belonged to an internet site along with birth parents, adoptive parents, fellow adoptees, & families of adoptees- both birth families & adoptive families. The main aim for almost every one of us was to find out the truth of our lives- who we were born to, how we came about, what our TRUE ancestry was (as much as we could, even if it was just one sided- the birthmother). Every single ONE of us that got information from agencies & lawyers that handled our adoptions uncovered multiple lies.

I was lucky- I was adopted through an agency run by New York State & was born in NY City. See, if a baby was born in one of the 5 boroughs that make up the city, their birth record was searchable in an index at the NYC library in Manhattan. Anywhere else in NY, the birth records are stored in Albany & the (asshole troll Richard Cranium) man that heads the dept. of records does not allow anyone without proof that they are professional geneaological (sp?) searchers to access them. Anyway, because my adoption was state-run, the process of my adoption was TIGHTLY regulated. All the legalities were followed to the letter. The lies in my case came in when I asked for my 'non- identifying information' to be sent to me: this tells a loose physical description of my bmom, the birth family, & anything else that the worker who writes it feels like putting into it. There were 2 outright lies & a few inaccuricies in it, but I found enough info to find her & 2 older 1/2 brothers & a younger 1/2 sister. My bmom & 1/2 sister are pretty close & finding out about myself changed me quite a bit- for the good.

Other adoptees- depending on the agency/lawyer that handled their adoption, have been told outright cruel lies, found that their birthdates were recorded incorrectly purposely, found out that the histories told to their aparents were total fabrications, and that (in MANY instances) their birthmothers were tricked into or forced into giving them up- including having agencies & hospital personnel outright kidnap them. Birthmothers came forward time & again with story after story along these lines- all verified. One of the BIGGEST 'official' agencies whose practice was to do all of the aforementioned was the Catholic Charities. It's UNREAL what they did. And some are still doing on a smaller scale.
But I digress-

Then you have the baby stealing rings that were prevalent years ago. Members of these rings would ride around on trains, walk the streets, & go into public places looking for babies that were unattended for even a second, then would snatch the babies & give them to 'waiting parents'- all for a hefty fee, of course. Young children were also snatched & sold the same way- and unscrupulous orphanage owners did the same thing. There are still unscrupulous people out there doing this, but it's MUCH harder, since society has finally gotten itself together with tougher laws & punishments for kidnapping. Every few years, something along these lines shows up in the paper- usually dealing with overseas babies. Parents have a choice between keeping their baby/child & haveing the family members starve, or giving them up & getting a small (to us) amount of money, while the 'go betweens' make money hand over fist.

To find out more, type "adoption" into your favorite search engine & go through some of the sites that come up, or check this site out- http://www.cyndislist.com/adoption.htm

In New York State, adoptees' files are stored in a place known by the agency that handled our adoption, or the lawyer that handled it. We are NOT allowed to access it, EVER. That means that the records of our lives & any other info is secret from us- but being paid for by our tax dollars. IOW- they have a 3+ inch thick file on me (that I had ILLEGALLY accessed- that's how I finally found my bfamily) that has my original birth certificate, writeups about my life & existance, and even baby pictures in it. I was adopted @ age 3 1/2 & have NO pictures of me before that age. I didn't know until I was 50 that I am almost pure irish, with some swedish- at least on my bmom's side.

BTW- I also have a brother 2 years older than myself that was given up for adoption, but was done privately. My bmom thinks that both he & my next oldest brother (her second child) were fathered by the same man. I'm not quite sure how to go about finding him- I DO have his DOB & birth certificate number & general vicinity of adoption, but not much else.

Anyway, just wanted to tell people about this aspect of what made me who I am now.... Thanks for listening, if you got this far.

SUE

Diva
11-20-04, 04:31PM
You know what's funny? When I talk to people about not being able to have kids they always throw the adoption card at me. I know this sounds bad, but I don't want to go through that. It was so hard to grow up as the adopted child. I loved my dad but it was tough knowing that somewhere there was a person who actually gave birth to me and then gave me away.

Amaurote
11-20-04, 05:22PM
It can be worse, di - at least someone loved you, and maybe all the more in that they chose you. I know a girl whose father totally neglected her and the trauma always lurks just below the surface. Better an adoptee than a latch-key child.

Diva
11-20-04, 05:27PM
Actually Am... My dad loved me. My mother signed on as legal guardian only because she didn't want a child that wasn't blood. She waivered rights when my dad died and I was legally orphaned. Did I mention that she had three kids on her own who were told they didn't have to love me because I wasn't blood? Then there was the two times she tried to drown me. Believe me, baby... I know about the trauma below the surface. I'm over it now, but there were some trying years when I was a child.

I understand your point though. I guess I was looking at it as the kid who never really knew. It's a strange feeling.

Amaurote
11-20-04, 05:33PM
Hmmm, that's horrible, I never realized you had it that bad. I almost wish I could say it was alien to me, but the horror stories you hear on a daily basis in prison from inmates whose blood relations have abused, neglected and attacked them...misanthropy starts to look like a sensible coping mechanism.

Diva
11-20-04, 05:47PM
I learned to accept all events as learning experiences. Not good or bad, just something to help us grow. I've lived with abuse and am lucky to have gotten away from it. I became an emancipated minor instead of going through foster care.

I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or seem like I was on a pity ride. I wanted to let you know that being adopted doesn't mean you're out of the woods when it comes to getting a loving family. I was lucky to have gotten one parent who helped to shape me and taught me well.

I had the misfortune of meeting my biological mother and her family when I was about 14. I can honestly say that I was lucky that my dad wanted me. I was sold to him in a private agreement.

Bassmama
11-21-04, 07:02PM
Yeah- there are an AWEFUL LOT of us that weren't brought up in 'wonderful' circumstances. From verbal, emotional, & mental abuse to downright physical abuse & murders, it runs the gamut in adoption.

I'm like Diva- I don't want anyone feeling sorry for anything I post on here. I've had a VERY eventful life & a LOT of experiences & I know it must sound like I'm saying "been there, done that" an AWEFUL lot, but I have been there & done that a LOT. I post my experiences on here to get it out of my system (kinda like writing a book) & help anyone that I can by having them read about what I went through & how I had to work to get to the point where I am now. It was a LONG haul, but here I am.

I know people who were tortured & abused by their regular parents- adoptees don't have an exclusive on that- but very few adoptees have their head on straight enough to consider their experiences as learning opportunities. The majority are confused, hurting, insecure people that are trying to get by despite feeling that they were & are colossal mistakes. It took me until I was in my 30s to realize that very few of us were planned. With me, I didn't have anyone helping me- my mom wanted to, but my father wouldn't allow it. If he had his way, they never would have gotten me in the first place, but my mom wanted a girl. They had already adopted a boy- that was all he cared about.

Finding my birth mom has made me (& most adoptees that I know that have found) less needy & more independant. It's as if we suddenly said "Oh- so THAT'S where I came from."

When I found, I had no expectation of acceptance- I just wanted to hear how **I** happened, or at LEAST get medical info, if only on my bmom's side. It was beyond my WILDEST dreams to be welcomed, and have a whole family informed about me & welcome me. AND--- I got a little sister!!!!!!

BTW- I look the most like my bmom- the 3 she kept don't look like her, except we all got the blue eyes.