Marsbert
11-06-04, 11:13PM
This is for Creative Writing workshop on Tuesday and I don't like it.
Would love some feedback :-D
“I never told anyone this before y’know, but my twin Randy’s tooth is in my heel bone. My mom told me about it when I was, like, ten. It was scary. I thought I had killed him. But then ma said that he had never been born so there was no way I could have killed him. I still don’t tell people about it though. Y’know why? I don’t want them to think that I did kill him.
“I don’t step on that heel either, my left one, I don’t want to squish him, y’know? On our birthday I make sure to get a massage and use that smelly stuff that makes his skin so soft. Sometimes when we’re alone, I will try and tell him what’s going on around us, because he can’t really see through my sock and shoe, y’know? One time I tried wearin’ this neat pair of sandals I got from ma, but I must’ve stepped on a rock because poor Randy got scratched, and now I can't wear sandals anymore. I was just trying to help him breathe better, y’know? I mean, I bet it gets real stuffy and sweaty in there sometimes. Especially when we been walkin’ all day and are all tired an’ all.
“I heard that identical twins can sometimes look exactly alike but can be exactly different on the inside. I think Randy and I are like that. I mean, well, we don’t really look alike anymore, but we’re not the same on the inside. I feel bad for Randy sometimes. He and ma never talk. I think she’s mad at him. She says she thinks about him a lot but I don’t think that’s the truth, if she did, she could just talk to him. He’s always there for us.”
“Milo, who are you talking to?” Mrs. Ortiz came walking into her son’s room and pulled back the curtain. Milo was lying on his bed, snuggled under three blankets because he always complained he was cold. A young woman in a crisp new nurse’s uniform was sitting in the chair near the head of Milo’s bed. Both her and Milo were staring at Mrs. Ortiz with dropped jaws as if she had interrupted some top secret mating ritual.
“Hi ma! This is Susie! I was telling her about Randy.” Milo smiled energetically.
Mrs. Ortiz grimaced, “Hello Susie.”
Susie smiled and did a half wave, “Hi Mrs. Ortiz, Milo here was just telling me all about your beautiful family.”
“That’ nice.”
“He’s a very special young man.” Susie couldn’t help but widen her grin as she turned from Mrs. Ortiz to Milo, who was also smiling.
“That he is.” Mrs. Ortiz said in a dull and grave voice. Susie suddenly felt the awkwardness fill the room thick enough to be sliced with a knife. “Susie, I’d like to talk to Milo alone, could you leave us alone for a bit?”
“Aw but ma I like Susie! I don’t want her to go!”
“Milo--”
“Mrs. Ortiz, I think Milo might be more comfortable--” Susie tried.
“I appreciate the thought dear but you’ve just met my son, I think I know what’s best for him.” Mrs. Ortiz had her fingers snaked around Susie’s upper arm and was almost yanking her out of her chair. Susie stood up, waved good bye to Milo, and let the old woman lead her out of the room.
Out in the hallway, Mrs. Ortiz stopped and turned Susie towards her by the arm she still had her claws on. “Don’t ever talk back to me in front of my son. Do you hear me? How long have you been working here?”
“This is my first day.” Susie said sheepishly.
“And you think you know him better than I do? You just met the poor boy!”
“I was just being friendly. He looked so lonely in there all alone.”
“Well believe me, he’s not.”
Susie’s eyebrows constricted unconsciously, “What does that mean?”
Mrs. Ortiz’s face transformed from friendly and slightly sagging to dark and menacing so quickly that Susie thought she could’ve been trapped in some comic book where the villains popped up out of nowhere from people you thought you could trust. “It means that my son is a very sick boy. He deserves to be alone in that room with no human contact ever, but I still visit him once a month. It would be who of you to stay away from him, he doesn’t need the distraction of a young buxom blonde in his life right now. Not when he should be repenting his sins.”
Before Susie could even ask what all that meant, Mrs. Ortiz spun on her heel and disappeared back into Milo’s room. Susie waited for a moment, contemplating the action of storming back into Milo’s room, but at the same time she came to the conclusion that that would only result in her firing, or worse.
At the front desk, Susie waited for the night nurse to change shifts. She made her rounds and then returned to finish her card game with the new night nurse. She tried her best to forget about what Mrs. Ortiz had said to her, unsuccessfully. When the night nurse pointed down the hall, Susie twirled around to see Mrs. Ortiz’s back shrinking as she walked down the hallway.
“What’s up with her?” she asked.
“Mrs. Ortiz?”
“And Milo.”
The nurse, who Susie couldn’t remember the name of, shrugged, “She’s been comin’ here for years. Always once a month.”
“Any idea why?”
“Why what?”
“Why she doesn’t visit her son more than once a month?”
“Who cares? They’re both crazy.”
“That’s not nice. Milo’s special right?”
She nodded, “In more ways than one.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what I heard?”
“What?”
“Well, Roger up in oncology told me that Milo’s never been outside.”
“Ever?”
The nurse shook her head, “Was born and raised here in this hospital.”
“That’s terrible. What’s wrong with him exactly?”
“I can’t remember exactly. He was born with some kind of problem.”
“He’s schizoid.” Roger said as soon as he leaned on the counter near where the two nurses were sitting. Both women jumped involuntarily but smiled at the elusive Roger when they had returned to their seats.
“Is that the scientific term?” the nurse asked sheepishly.
Roger eyed her, “Babe, that boy has more shit wrong with him than a one legged mouse at a catnip convention.”
“I’m not sure what that means, but ok?” Susie laughed.
Roger came behind the counter and pulled a chair over to sit between the two nurses. “It means the poor schmuck was born without any feet.”
“What?” Susie exclaimed.
“Wait, there’s more. He never had any feet, yet he thinks he does and that his unborn twin’s tooth is in one of them.”
“His left.” Susie corrected him.
“And here’s the kicker. There is a tooth……in his brain.”
The nurse-with-no-name started to giggle with her hand over her mouth, but she choked on that giggle when the light assigned to Milo’s room started flashing vibrantly.
“Shit.” The nurse cursed. Susie jumped out of her chair, swung around the counter, and half ran, half skipped down the hallway to Milo’s room.
“Milo? What’s the matter?” She asked as she pushed his door open. All she could see was Milo’s head as he lay on the floor on the other side of the bed. A puddle of blood was slowly widening in an oval shape. Before Susie could call someone for help, two orderlies came rushing into the room with a stretcher. She watched in shock as they picked up Milo’s bloody body and plopped him on the stretcher and wheeled him out of the room in a blur. Susie stumbled around the bed and started to cry when she accidentally stepped in the blood. Something slid under her shoe and she that same foot sprawled out from under her and she landed on the floor with a hard thud. She let out a groan as she looked at her bloody hands and dress.
Then she saw it. Under the bed. A bloody lump of flesh clinging to something hard and white. Not so much white as much as a disintegrating mass of clumpy white fragments. She felt the vomit back up in her throat. Every hair on her body seemed to stand up and shiver.
“Now you know.”
Susie looked up, eyes streaming with mascara and eyeliner, to see Mrs. Ortiz hunched in the doorway.
“You did this?” she accused.
“No.” Mrs. Ortiz smiled, “But I reminded my poor son of his responsibility to society.”
“What does that mean? What happened to Milo?”
Mrs. Ortiz’s cheeks quivered and her eyes changed shades of brown. It looked as if every inch of her was vibrating and pulsing with the fury that seemed to make her hair stand up out of the neat bun she had.
“Randy did it.”
Would love some feedback :-D
“I never told anyone this before y’know, but my twin Randy’s tooth is in my heel bone. My mom told me about it when I was, like, ten. It was scary. I thought I had killed him. But then ma said that he had never been born so there was no way I could have killed him. I still don’t tell people about it though. Y’know why? I don’t want them to think that I did kill him.
“I don’t step on that heel either, my left one, I don’t want to squish him, y’know? On our birthday I make sure to get a massage and use that smelly stuff that makes his skin so soft. Sometimes when we’re alone, I will try and tell him what’s going on around us, because he can’t really see through my sock and shoe, y’know? One time I tried wearin’ this neat pair of sandals I got from ma, but I must’ve stepped on a rock because poor Randy got scratched, and now I can't wear sandals anymore. I was just trying to help him breathe better, y’know? I mean, I bet it gets real stuffy and sweaty in there sometimes. Especially when we been walkin’ all day and are all tired an’ all.
“I heard that identical twins can sometimes look exactly alike but can be exactly different on the inside. I think Randy and I are like that. I mean, well, we don’t really look alike anymore, but we’re not the same on the inside. I feel bad for Randy sometimes. He and ma never talk. I think she’s mad at him. She says she thinks about him a lot but I don’t think that’s the truth, if she did, she could just talk to him. He’s always there for us.”
“Milo, who are you talking to?” Mrs. Ortiz came walking into her son’s room and pulled back the curtain. Milo was lying on his bed, snuggled under three blankets because he always complained he was cold. A young woman in a crisp new nurse’s uniform was sitting in the chair near the head of Milo’s bed. Both her and Milo were staring at Mrs. Ortiz with dropped jaws as if she had interrupted some top secret mating ritual.
“Hi ma! This is Susie! I was telling her about Randy.” Milo smiled energetically.
Mrs. Ortiz grimaced, “Hello Susie.”
Susie smiled and did a half wave, “Hi Mrs. Ortiz, Milo here was just telling me all about your beautiful family.”
“That’ nice.”
“He’s a very special young man.” Susie couldn’t help but widen her grin as she turned from Mrs. Ortiz to Milo, who was also smiling.
“That he is.” Mrs. Ortiz said in a dull and grave voice. Susie suddenly felt the awkwardness fill the room thick enough to be sliced with a knife. “Susie, I’d like to talk to Milo alone, could you leave us alone for a bit?”
“Aw but ma I like Susie! I don’t want her to go!”
“Milo--”
“Mrs. Ortiz, I think Milo might be more comfortable--” Susie tried.
“I appreciate the thought dear but you’ve just met my son, I think I know what’s best for him.” Mrs. Ortiz had her fingers snaked around Susie’s upper arm and was almost yanking her out of her chair. Susie stood up, waved good bye to Milo, and let the old woman lead her out of the room.
Out in the hallway, Mrs. Ortiz stopped and turned Susie towards her by the arm she still had her claws on. “Don’t ever talk back to me in front of my son. Do you hear me? How long have you been working here?”
“This is my first day.” Susie said sheepishly.
“And you think you know him better than I do? You just met the poor boy!”
“I was just being friendly. He looked so lonely in there all alone.”
“Well believe me, he’s not.”
Susie’s eyebrows constricted unconsciously, “What does that mean?”
Mrs. Ortiz’s face transformed from friendly and slightly sagging to dark and menacing so quickly that Susie thought she could’ve been trapped in some comic book where the villains popped up out of nowhere from people you thought you could trust. “It means that my son is a very sick boy. He deserves to be alone in that room with no human contact ever, but I still visit him once a month. It would be who of you to stay away from him, he doesn’t need the distraction of a young buxom blonde in his life right now. Not when he should be repenting his sins.”
Before Susie could even ask what all that meant, Mrs. Ortiz spun on her heel and disappeared back into Milo’s room. Susie waited for a moment, contemplating the action of storming back into Milo’s room, but at the same time she came to the conclusion that that would only result in her firing, or worse.
At the front desk, Susie waited for the night nurse to change shifts. She made her rounds and then returned to finish her card game with the new night nurse. She tried her best to forget about what Mrs. Ortiz had said to her, unsuccessfully. When the night nurse pointed down the hall, Susie twirled around to see Mrs. Ortiz’s back shrinking as she walked down the hallway.
“What’s up with her?” she asked.
“Mrs. Ortiz?”
“And Milo.”
The nurse, who Susie couldn’t remember the name of, shrugged, “She’s been comin’ here for years. Always once a month.”
“Any idea why?”
“Why what?”
“Why she doesn’t visit her son more than once a month?”
“Who cares? They’re both crazy.”
“That’s not nice. Milo’s special right?”
She nodded, “In more ways than one.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what I heard?”
“What?”
“Well, Roger up in oncology told me that Milo’s never been outside.”
“Ever?”
The nurse shook her head, “Was born and raised here in this hospital.”
“That’s terrible. What’s wrong with him exactly?”
“I can’t remember exactly. He was born with some kind of problem.”
“He’s schizoid.” Roger said as soon as he leaned on the counter near where the two nurses were sitting. Both women jumped involuntarily but smiled at the elusive Roger when they had returned to their seats.
“Is that the scientific term?” the nurse asked sheepishly.
Roger eyed her, “Babe, that boy has more shit wrong with him than a one legged mouse at a catnip convention.”
“I’m not sure what that means, but ok?” Susie laughed.
Roger came behind the counter and pulled a chair over to sit between the two nurses. “It means the poor schmuck was born without any feet.”
“What?” Susie exclaimed.
“Wait, there’s more. He never had any feet, yet he thinks he does and that his unborn twin’s tooth is in one of them.”
“His left.” Susie corrected him.
“And here’s the kicker. There is a tooth……in his brain.”
The nurse-with-no-name started to giggle with her hand over her mouth, but she choked on that giggle when the light assigned to Milo’s room started flashing vibrantly.
“Shit.” The nurse cursed. Susie jumped out of her chair, swung around the counter, and half ran, half skipped down the hallway to Milo’s room.
“Milo? What’s the matter?” She asked as she pushed his door open. All she could see was Milo’s head as he lay on the floor on the other side of the bed. A puddle of blood was slowly widening in an oval shape. Before Susie could call someone for help, two orderlies came rushing into the room with a stretcher. She watched in shock as they picked up Milo’s bloody body and plopped him on the stretcher and wheeled him out of the room in a blur. Susie stumbled around the bed and started to cry when she accidentally stepped in the blood. Something slid under her shoe and she that same foot sprawled out from under her and she landed on the floor with a hard thud. She let out a groan as she looked at her bloody hands and dress.
Then she saw it. Under the bed. A bloody lump of flesh clinging to something hard and white. Not so much white as much as a disintegrating mass of clumpy white fragments. She felt the vomit back up in her throat. Every hair on her body seemed to stand up and shiver.
“Now you know.”
Susie looked up, eyes streaming with mascara and eyeliner, to see Mrs. Ortiz hunched in the doorway.
“You did this?” she accused.
“No.” Mrs. Ortiz smiled, “But I reminded my poor son of his responsibility to society.”
“What does that mean? What happened to Milo?”
Mrs. Ortiz’s cheeks quivered and her eyes changed shades of brown. It looked as if every inch of her was vibrating and pulsing with the fury that seemed to make her hair stand up out of the neat bun she had.
“Randy did it.”