kittyroze
07-05-04, 11:55PM
I hate going back to Montana.
I hate that it's where I'm from. That when people ask me where I moved to Colorado from, I say that it's Montana. "Y'all have indoor plumbing up there?"
I feel like I've grown up in two completely different worlds. One where my parents are artists, where I took ballet lessons and sang in choir. Where things were really sweet and lovely and calm and beautiful.
Then I go back to Montana and see a dying town. I see people with hollow cheeks, black holes for mouths...a vacant look in their eyes. Half of them are meth addicts.
I was up there for a wedding. A joyous, lovely celebration. The night after the celebration I went to my other married friend's house. He was a DEAR friend to me in high school. He's in bed, so Caufield and I stay up talking to his wife and a mutual friend through part of the night.
The wife, who just lost her job and is raising their two small children while my dear friend works 36 hour shifts, tells me that she just exploited her sexuality with a female friend for pictures to make extra money. The mutual friend who is over wants to get drunk. He brought a bottle of vodka. He hopes to drink, and pass out on the couch, while my friend's two baby children are sleeping.
I take the bottle away.
Right now, I'm watching a documentary on meth. Here being Colorado, since I retreated back here, depressed about Montana. Watching the addicts on here reminds me of my friend's wife. She's not taking any drugs. Yet.
In any case, we talked about a lot of things. Rather, I listened and they talked. And talked and talked. People like this seem to just wait for the opportunity to open up their deepest darkest secrets for someone who is willing to listen.
The mutual friend scares the shit out of me. It feels like all it would take for him to lose it would be for just a little something in life to go wrong for him. Then I worry that he'll go Silence of the Lambs on me. He's just like that guy. You know, "put the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again". Diva pointed that comparision to me...which is scary, but man, it really works.
The wife...I just want to rescue my friend away from her. I want to save those children and him from ... from the void that is the town I went to high school in.
She was talking about potty training. "Yeah, he'd be trained in a week if I just paid attention. He was pulling on my shirt the other day, "mama potty? potty?" And I was at the computer so I forgot he asked and he wet himself five minutes later".
I wanted to slap her, grab the kids and raise them myself.
She lets people get drunk at their house, she ignores the kids, she sleeps with other people to make money. All while my friend works his ass off trying to provide for her.
:rant:
I hate that it's where I'm from. That when people ask me where I moved to Colorado from, I say that it's Montana. "Y'all have indoor plumbing up there?"
I feel like I've grown up in two completely different worlds. One where my parents are artists, where I took ballet lessons and sang in choir. Where things were really sweet and lovely and calm and beautiful.
Then I go back to Montana and see a dying town. I see people with hollow cheeks, black holes for mouths...a vacant look in their eyes. Half of them are meth addicts.
I was up there for a wedding. A joyous, lovely celebration. The night after the celebration I went to my other married friend's house. He was a DEAR friend to me in high school. He's in bed, so Caufield and I stay up talking to his wife and a mutual friend through part of the night.
The wife, who just lost her job and is raising their two small children while my dear friend works 36 hour shifts, tells me that she just exploited her sexuality with a female friend for pictures to make extra money. The mutual friend who is over wants to get drunk. He brought a bottle of vodka. He hopes to drink, and pass out on the couch, while my friend's two baby children are sleeping.
I take the bottle away.
Right now, I'm watching a documentary on meth. Here being Colorado, since I retreated back here, depressed about Montana. Watching the addicts on here reminds me of my friend's wife. She's not taking any drugs. Yet.
In any case, we talked about a lot of things. Rather, I listened and they talked. And talked and talked. People like this seem to just wait for the opportunity to open up their deepest darkest secrets for someone who is willing to listen.
The mutual friend scares the shit out of me. It feels like all it would take for him to lose it would be for just a little something in life to go wrong for him. Then I worry that he'll go Silence of the Lambs on me. He's just like that guy. You know, "put the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again". Diva pointed that comparision to me...which is scary, but man, it really works.
The wife...I just want to rescue my friend away from her. I want to save those children and him from ... from the void that is the town I went to high school in.
She was talking about potty training. "Yeah, he'd be trained in a week if I just paid attention. He was pulling on my shirt the other day, "mama potty? potty?" And I was at the computer so I forgot he asked and he wet himself five minutes later".
I wanted to slap her, grab the kids and raise them myself.
She lets people get drunk at their house, she ignores the kids, she sleeps with other people to make money. All while my friend works his ass off trying to provide for her.
:rant: