Ooh Baby! Click Me Harder!

[Diva]

More and more people are divorcing over cyber cheating. This topic is a hot debate on whether cyber sex is cheating or harmless fun. what do you think?

[Lilith]

Heh, you have just hit on one of my pet peeves right there, Diva!

* Lilith gets on soapbox and arranges ceremonial robes
* Lilith clears throat

Before we scream and start to point fingers, I would first like to establish a logical foundation for this argument. I say yes, cyber sex is definitely cheating, to the same degree that a long-distance relationship over the net or otherwise is a relationship. There are, of course, some exceptions to the rule, but they are more along the lines of argument ad absurdum than anything and will be discussed later.

Since we no longer live in dark ages, and a relationship is not necessarily a “till death do us part marriage” anymore, then it is safe to say that any couple can end a relationship that is no longer working (in civilized countries, anyway) without much social stigma against it. Boyfriends and girlfriends break up, married couples divorce, and no one points fingers or pins a scarlet letter on their chest. Therefore, I would say that in this day and age, any relationship, whether it’s one that had originated in real life or on the internet, is always a matter of intent to be together in the relationship and commitment to the partner. If those two are not observed, the relationship is really not there.

Furthermore, since any relationship is a matter of intent and commitment, it would follow that any long-distance relationship (be it on the net or over phone) is also a relationship that is a matter of intent and commitment, is it not so?

Then, it would also logically follow that if one is in a relationship with a partner in real life (or on the net!), and that relationship is a matter of intent and commitment, and one of the partners goes on the net and develops a new relationship with someone else—in the course of which they have cyber sex (which is a pure matter of intent, as there is no physical sex involved), they thus violate their intent and commitment to the person they are in the original relationship with. And to me, that is cheating.
________________

Now, there are two exceptions I must mention, so not to generalize and blacken people unnecessarily. First exception is the case of talking over the net with someone who is interested in you, but without leading them on, and having disclosed the fact that you aren’t available, and with the knowledge of the person you are involved with. That would not be cheating. Only the “click me harder baby!”, and situations that are meant to get two people off via cyber sex would qualify under cyber sex. Innocent flirting, conversation, etc.—well, no one said they are cheating in real life either, are they?

The second exception is the ad absurdum one that I mentioned earlier. When a couple gets on the computer together and goes into a chat room to do cyber sex for a laugh, then true, they might be getting someone off or leading someone on—however, it’s not something that they hide from each other, and it’s not something for them to get off on—it’s dick-teasing, sure, but it’s not a violation of their commitment or intent.

[kittyroze]

My thoughts: Cyber sex is cheating. Cyber flirting is cheating. Plain old flirting is cheating. The thing is...there's a huge difference between flirting to be playful and flirting with intent. Flirting to be playful I'm TOTALLY guilty of. Flirting with intent leading to actual cybersex? Completely unacceptable.

I've been cheated on so many times, that basically, I've come to this conclusion; If you really love someone AND deeply respect them, then there's no way you'd cheat on them...on any medium of expression. Otherwise, they deserve to be kicked out of their "loved one's" life.

[Lilith]

Kitty, that's why I specified "innocent" flirting. I detailed my views on 2 types of flirting for twitch on her thread (I agree with you). I don't think the flirting that you are against, as am I, should be called flirting. In my vocab, that is more "hitting on".

By saying "flirting" is ok, I meant the kind of flirting I'd do with my friends in front of my boyfriend while he has his arm around me. Completely innocent.

[thestarsfall]

flirting (innocently) is fine.....my friends have gone so far as thinking that if they think that someone else is hot than its cheating on their boyfriend....it pisses me off because you should be able to analyze other ppl for attractiveness even if your married.....humans are meant to check ppl out

[kittyroze]

Totally agreed Lil :)

Although, hitting on to me implies intent, but no biggie. Yeah, if it's something you'd do in front of your significant other, then it's definitely not cheating.

Twitch, I've met women like that. I've noticed they're usually characterized by really really low self esteem.

[Lilith]

Twitch, I second what kitty said about women with really low self esteem. Generally, they are the ones who want their boyfriend not to even look at other girls, left alone talk to them or be friends. They typically apply pressure for the guy to dump all of his female friends asap, so that they can "reign supreme" in his world forever after (or till he gets sick of bitchy bossing around, anyway).

Females like that are not fit to be friends, and should be avoided--by both, males and females, as they aren't socially good for interaction with either gender--even in the American society, prudish and full of taboos as it is.

Here's an example--I listen to a morning show on the way to work, and one day they were taking calls about what women feel about their significant other looking at porn. Personally, I think it's fine, as long as it's better quality stuff and he shows it to me too--sharing is caring! :p

One chick (in her late twenties, I think) called and said that she would dump her bf immediately if she found any porn around. The host (a happily married guy with a gorgeous wife and a baby girl) was appalled, and asked, WHY, in the name of all gods, would she do something like that? To which she replies vehemently that it's cheating! And that looking at cute actresses in movies is cheating, and checking out a girl on the streat is also, yes, you guessed it--CHEATING! You know why? Because now that he has such a prize as herself, he shouldn't even think of looking at other women, left alone actually LOOK at them.

...

Hearing that, I just blinked. So did the host of the show. Then he busted out laughing. So did I, which made me wiggle the car all over the road for about a minute. I was laughing, twitch, because I want a boyfriend that is warm and alive, not a corpse--and if he ever stopped looking at women's behinds on the street, I'd wonder if he is dead or on drugs, as it's definitely not normal.

[gharm]

Uh, let's get a man's perspective.

Cybersex isn't cheating. Cheating requires physical contact, kissing, etc.
Since most women get more emotionally attached to things than guys do, they may think it is cheating. Speaking as a guy who doesn't do much cyber-ing, if I did partake, I wouldn't think I was cheating on anyone. I wouldn't like the fact that my s.o. was having cybersex, but I wouldn't call it cheating.

I liked Lilith's most recent post alot. My ex (less than 24 hours ago) should read it.

[MeLsWeEtiE]

I have to side with the women in here. Cybersex is cheating, unless like Lil said, about how if a couple goes on and have a laugh from having cybersex with someone actually getting off on it. That's ok. That's kinda like making a prank phone call. lol HOWEVER, when one person in a relationship starts having cybersex, and the other finds out about it, it's not good. OR, if both persons in the relationship are into porn and cybersex...and then things change but one of the partners doesn't see it that way and keeps on having cybersex. It can rip apart a marriage, I've seen it before. It happened with my ex-boyfriend's parents. I knew his parents before I knew him so I ended up knowing a lot about their marriage that as at that time, one of their future-possible-daughter-in-laws. lol BUT anyways...CR's step dad and his mom used to be big into porn and cybersex together, but here in the past few years, his mom's grown out of it and his step dad has really grown obsessed with it to the point he's tried arranging threesomes (in real life) with people off the internet, and not letting anyone else, his wife included, to use the computer. Cybersex is only a stepping stone into full-blown adultery, but I still see it as cheating.

NOW, if I caught my man looking at another woman...I know I have nothing to worry about. I'd let him look. Doesn't bother me. I know that he knows what he has and I know he's not going to let me go. Simple as that.

[whitecrow]

It's very simple.

Cheating is all about intention. If you intend to cheat you will. Whether it be by phone, internet or the 'ho next door.

[MeLsWeEtiE]

Damn skippy.

[Ice Man]

Dang, I'm sorry then. I didn't know!


* Ice Man is laughing his butt off. Wait, where did it go?

[whitecrow]

what?

[kittyroze]

* kittyroze doesn't want to be in charge of helping look for Desciple's butt

[whitecrow]

just follow the smell :)

[niflheim]

Originally posted by gharm
[B

Cybersex isn't cheating. Cheating requires physical contact, kissing, etc.. [/B]
Here's another mans oppinion. Cyber Sex is cheating.
Where I define cheating, is when anything you do that you don't feel you could share it with your spouse, something you're ashamed for doing, regardless of it being sexual or not, is cheating. And I'm not talking about the kind of chat girls have at the saloon. Men just wouldn't want to hear that anyway :D
I'm talking about anything you don't trust yourself to tell your spouse.

So based on that sort of a rule, cyber sex is cheating, as long as your spouse doesn't know about it, and/or doesn't feel fine about it all.

[Redallnite]

Diva, wasn't this a thread you did a few years ago?? So much milder..............

[Diva]

Originally posted by Redallnite
Diva, wasn't this a thread you did a few years ago?? So much milder..............

No, the question is different and we have a whole bunch of new members. Shush now, woman... and answer the thread. Jeesh.

[Lilith]

Oooh, Red, I LOVE that smiley!!! More, I NEED that smiley!

Diva, can I have the soapbox smiley? Pleeease, pleeeeeeeease, pleeeeeeeeeese!!!???

[billyboy07860]

i dont know ther is so much debate over it i feel its not as there is no physical touching going on, the line is drawn on the individuals who are involved, then that will determinewhere it will go and deemed not, perfectly harmless fun, and enjoyable to "wink"

[Lilith]

So do you *wink* say that just because you do it yourself and don't like it when what you do is considered/branded as cheating?