Here's a tear jerker

[Boozer]

Ok, I'm not afraid to show my weaker side, so here's a poem I wrote that came straight from my heart. Get the Kleenex ready. My mom read this and burst into tears.

How do I smile?

Walking down the street, you see them everywhere,
Couples walking hand in hand, sometimes I stop and stare,

I wonder what it's like, to hold someone that near,
I may never know that, and that's my greatest fear,

I see all the happy strangers, holding, hugging, kissing,
Then I look at my life and know there's something missing,
I drop down to my knees and then cry out to God above,
How do I smile when everyone else is in love?

I try hard to believe that there's someone out there for me,
But time still passes by and I'm still feeling lonely,

I've been so very close, but still so far away,
But I'll just keep on searching until love comes my way,

I see all the happy strangers holding, hugging, kissing,
Then I look at my life and I know there's something missing,
I drop down to my knees and then cry out to God above,
How do I smile when everyone else is in love?

Al

[Diva]

This is very touching, Boozer. I really like it.

[Jake]

You are a talented guy, Boozer. Do you write as a hobby?

[Boozer]

Yeah, it's just a hobby for now. I write when ever I feel the need to express something that's been bothering me for a while. If it doesn't come from the heart, it ain't worth writing down and letting other people read it. That's my theory anyway. I have had a couple of poems published, but not in anything popular. I have one of the books, but not the second. I wanna get it, but they want $45 for it, and I think that's a little steep for any book.

Al

[WhatIsOne]

wow! that's a fantastic job. Rhyme, rhythem, good language, very touching/from the heart.... the only thing I can see that could potentially be improved is the accenting (beat). I couldn't even make a poem that good, but I can still see you could improve it by paying attention to which syllables are accented in the words you use and try to create a steady pattern there to. As though juggling all of the things you already did in that poem isn't enough....

Once upon a midnight dreary
While I studied weak and weary

That has a strong iambic beat to it that makes it flow nicer.

Once* up^on* a^ mid*night^ drear*y^
While* I^ stu*died^ weak* and^ wear*y^

There... now there is an asterisk after every accented syllable and a carrot after every unaccented just in case there are any would be poets out there who didn't know who couldn't see the pattern I was talking about.

[Boozer]

What the hell are you talking about? As long as it's from the heart, who cares what it sounds like???

Al

[Diva]

I think WIO was pointing out the technical aspects of poetry. I took a writing course with a teacher who hated ryming poems. I love both kinds, but in her class I had to adjust to her demands. At first I was frustrated, but ultimately it broadened my writing style.

You are right that poetry is from the heart. Some are emotionally drawn, others from experiences you see. Maybe WIO can look at some of the writing in here and take a chance in a poem. There is no "good" or "bad" writing, in my opinion as long as it's from the heart.

[WhatIsOne]

Oh, diva, I've tried poetry but it would look more consistent if it had been scribbled with a crayon if you know what i mean.

Sorry Boozer. Beat is used in poetry for the same reason rhyme is. I once read a poem called Tucans Two that was completely logical and yet rhymed 90% of its syllables with other syllables. It was just a lot of fun to read like that. It wasn't really "from the heart" though and I still loved it. Your poem leans more toward the other side of the spectrum I guess. I still love it to. I wasn't going for harsh critisicm. I just wanted to suggest where somebody could put more effort into it. Not that its even a weak point because I doubt its even possible to incorporate beat in that poem and maintain that same quality in all of its other aspects, but you never know unless you try.

[Boozer]

No reason to aopolgize. I was just wondering what you were talking about. "Iambic beat"??? Never heard of it. Like I've said before, I just write when it's from the heart and I feel like there's something I need to get out. It's funny, this time of the year really gets me motivated to get writing.

Al

[WhatIsOne]

A romantic notion. Your writing seems to have much more admirable inspirations. I think boredom is my most common motivation to write. Perhaps thats why I get writer's block so often. I have to think of inspirations rather than let them come to me.

[Boozer]

*bumped up for the newbies* Tell me what you think!!

[whitecrow]

Boozer...man can I say this another way? You are a real talent. This is a touching, moving peice. I swear if I was a publisher, I'd be beating you up for more. This is beautiful.

[Boozer]

Thanks man. That really means a lot.

[MeLsWeEtiE]

Wow Boozer, I love that poem. You really are a talented fellow, aren't ya? I have felt that same way (even though these days, it seems the opposite.) I really felt what you were feeling on that one...A++++++++++++! *hugs*

[Boozer]

Aw shucks. Thanks Mel.

[caufield]

Guess I'm coming in rather late on this one, but I'm rather late on the server as well. I liked it. It's got a good Limmerickesque rhythm and you pick your places to break from it to correspond to the meaning. It's hard to show that side to the public. Shows that you're a really strong person who's in a very comfortable environment. Hope to get to know you better.