Suicide - Permanant Solution to a Temporary problem

[Lonster]

Folks, I just had a great friend's son take his life a couple of days ago and I have been trying to think why. He was in his early 30's and had everything going for him it seemed. The family is being hush on how and if there was a note. The phrase a Permanant Solution was told to me by a friend I ride the bus with that seemed appropriate.

What do you think and have you ever had to deal with the situation where they suceeded and it was not a cry for help?

[Princess]

Well, this is a tough subject..... yes. I have know someone personally who suceeded, and some who didn't, far and away from a "cry" for help....

[dc]

My condolences Lonster,

It really doesn't matter.

I know that people do "shit" for a reason.
It's that simple. I know this won't help but, I am lonely right now.

[Villager]

Mu Uncle unsuccessfully attempted suicide 6 months ago, and I think that was a genuine attempt, he was only found by chance. I didn't know him well. It kinda made everyone uneasy - nobody knew how to treat him, or each other.

[kittyroze]

No one that close to me has ever suceeded, however I've gotten calls for help many a time. It's the most stressful thing I've ever encountered, having a friend call and tell me they're going to end it all. I have a friend stationed out in Germany who's absolutely miserable (and on an unrelated note, engaged to my best friend), who confided in me that he tried to throw himself in front of a car last night. I'm so far away, I don't know how I can help him out.

[Teslus]

One of my classmates years ago attempted and succeeded. She was 12.

I've had problems with depression for several years. Sometimes they wane; for a year-long period, I might have only a FEW severe bouts. Other times, I'm having a 2-3 week bad depression, then it'll lift a while, then it'll come back again, and so forth...

I've never been on medication and I never intend to be. If that's killing me, so be it.

I'm not going to lie and say I'm THRILLED with my life-I'm not, it's all right, I guess - but in general I just have a great ambivalence toward life. It's a whole lot of mess and bullshit for very, very little pay-off. There really isn't all that much to live for, when you get down to it. It's going to end someday, so if you're up to ending it, how dare anybody jab a finger in your face and try to tell you to go through 50 or 60 more years of shit...and for what? It's all useless in the end anyway.

It bothers me when people call people who commit suicide 'selfish.' Because they can't for two God damn seconds have anything be about anyone other than themselves. Yeah, suicide is a personal thing--it's YOUR life, and if there's anything you should deserve to be selfish about, it's that. I always hate it when these self-righteous fucks parade around griping about how people who commit suicide are selfish. Yes, because it's so incredibly selfish to be in abso-fucking-lutely misery and take yourself out of that pain in whatever method you can get.

[Bassmama]

Ok, TES, I hear ya! And, while I agree with some of your reasoning (most of it...) I want to step in here & tell you that I've been in your place & worse.

My first attempt to end my life was when I was 15. There were others, but I'll leave it at that. I NEVER remember wanted, loved without restrictions, accepted, any good, or anything else. I looked around & saw other people accepted & loved for themselves, they had people to help them when they needed it. They NEVER felt "ALONE", especially not like I did. AND hopeless. AND wanting to not exist any more, because I didn't feel that I had the RIGHT to even breathe the air with everyone else, much less exist. I fixated on trying to figure out how I could just cease existing without anyone else caring, then thought that nobody would care anyway.

I finally realized that I needed HELP. In the form of meds & talking to someone. I FINALLY (after years of trying to get help) got antidepressants, because I HATED feeling miserable & down most of the time. And while it took me YEARS of trying to find someone who really heard me & didn't interject themselves into my experiences, or totally miss my point, I finally found someone who has helped immeasurably.

You're right- someday we'll all be dead & what we have done will, for the most part, cease to exist, but I've realized that it won't be the memories of what I've done that will mean as much as the here & now act of making my life & other peoples' lives better & happier somehow.

I also had to really look at why I went with the double mastectomy & chemo again. I finally realized that I WANT to stay alive until it's my time to cease existing- because I am going to help others' existences through my experiences.

You also have to realize that you DON'T HAVE TO LIVE THAT WAY! You CAN live a relatively happy life. Nobody said it would be easy, but there are others that NEED you- and I'm talking about people you know now as well as others you'll meet in the future.

Committing suicide isn't selfish or an easy way out- people who say that obviously haven't ever been in that position- but it IS a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I wouldn't wish that desperation, pain & loneliness on anyone. Well, maybe on a few....

[Teslus]

I have never attempted suicide.

Just pointing out that too many people are selfish to the extent that they think they have the right to police another person's life, and have that person's decision to exit the world be a personal affront. People kill themselves for a lot of reasons, and not because they hate everybody or blame them for their problems.

[Teslus]

Generally, I think that suicide attempts fall into categories:


1.) Serious
2.) Manipulation

I've only encountered a few cases of #1, and seen lots of attempts on behalf of #2. I've seen people gripe about how miserable they are just to try and twist others around to their ways of thinking. I know that my uncle was depressed for years, but he would call at random intervals and say he had just taken a bunch of pills, or he was laying on train tracks and a train was coming. He would call everyone and do this. After enduring this about 300 times, everybody got sick and tired of it.

I don't think he was ever serious about it. I was think he was hurting, yes - but he thought that by engaging in these fake attempts, he would win sympathy, kindness, etc. How can you be mad at someone who is suicidal, after all? And when it didn't work to his liking, he would do it again and again. Finally, he got his life back together and kind of got his own family, so he's doing much better.

I generally feel like I'm dead. I have never liked myself, nor do I really take pleasure in compliments - I almost impulsively turn them away or try to diminish any good deeds I've done. Every time I'm in a relationship, I directly and indirectly try to encourage my s/o to leave me and date somebody else. Part of it is just feeling a total lack of control over my life - so part of me enjoys feeling in control. If I end my relationship, I'm still in control. And those in control can't get hurt...or something.


I have overdosed once, although it wasn't that severe. It was impulsive and not enough to do any lasting damage. I have spent the last several years fantasizing about suicide at least several times a week, if not daily. Usually these are somewhat fleeting - sometimes they are long-drawn out fantasies that could span several minutes or an hour. It's relieving to have that sort of sensation.

Getting help and getting therapy would be more of a possibility if I were living on my own, but I'm trapped with my parents. The news would spread like wildfire and I would be made to be even more miserable in my own family. Essentially, I would be the butt of constant, inescapable comments and cuts.

When I was a child, I always told myself that I would go out and get help for myself when I turned 18, so I could be happy. In my visions, I was also going to move out. Instead, I'm going on 23, mostly unemployed, still living at home with my parents, and with no prospect of enjoying my life at all. I feel like I'm gonna die here.

[Reliquiae]

I almost didn't reply to this. Maybe I shouldn't have but ...

I knew a person who attempted and didn't succeed. We never knew or saw it coming. She was addicted to opiates and had tried to pill herself to death. Her 21 year old daughter walked in on her dying right there on the floor. After she got out of behavioral, her first words to me were "It's great to be alive!" I really didn't know what to think or say to that. I watched what her actions did to her family and how devastating they were.

My cousin attempted it too and didn't succeed either. She swallowed pills and then called everyone in the family and told what she did so we'd call the cops in enough time to get her stomach pumped. She wanted attention. She had cheated on her husband and thought this would bring them closer together.

I think suicide is honestly the most horrible selfish thing a person could do, especially if you have kids. The attention seekers are what piss me off the most.

I understand that there are people who are seriously ill and really off. But I think a lot of it has to do with perspective and choice. If you hate your life, make changes. Do something drastic that's a positive instead of trying to take yourself out of the game. I don't believe it is our right to end ourselves.

Sorry if I've offended anyone.

[Teslus]

I've never understood the attention-seeking. It does nothing but make a situation worse, let alone leave you potentially living for life with severe gastrointestinal problems if you try to go out with pills.