SysLord
04-26-02, 06:12AM
Creeps, crime and online dating
msnbc.com 25/04/2002
April 25 — A recent news report out of Japan finds that crime linked to online dating sites is on the rise. Headline news analysis: Creeps and weirdoes may log on, yes, but hey, they don’t dwell only on the Internet. Don’t blame the pixels.
STATISTICS WHICH CONCLUDE that just about anything is up on the Internet from one year to the next are sort of ridiculous, simply because use of the medium has been increasing since it became public and commercial. So it stands to reason that from one year to the next, numbers gauging anything that happens on the Web would show an increase.
But these figures from Japan’s National Police Agency, which showed crime rising 8.5 percent last year over the year 2000, are worth mentioning simply because e-mail and the Web do seem to be changing the way we the people meet potential lovers or mates, as well as the way we interact with them. You don’t need any statistics to illustrate that — just ask your friends.
An overwhelming majority of the victims of “online love crimes” are women, according to the Japanese findings, and 80 percent are minors. The crimes include extreme cases of murder and rape, as well as other less heinous incidents. But now is a good time to remind even those of you out there who are not Japanese, not female, and not under 18, that proceeding with caution in matters romantic and online is advised, to protect your physical safety. (As far as your emotional well-being and how to safeguard that in affairs of the heart, whether they are sparked online or off, well, that’s a whole other story.)
One peculiar example of crime and online romance came this week from a journalist in the British newspaper, The Guardian. She wrote about a man she met at the online personals section of Nerve.com, and how he somehow hacked into her e-mail. With that mail as a guide, he seemed magically, soulfully, to have his finger on the pulse of her every thought and move. Understandably, her discovery of his violation of her privacy sent her cascading into despair.
But again, such a thing could happen between two people who know one another in the real, not virtual world. I’ve heard more than one person confess that they’d snooped into their significant others’ e-mail boxes when they weren’t around, and as long as there have been quills, people have been reading their loved ones’ letters. Doesn’t make it right, but doesn’t mean the Internet is evil.
ONLINE DATING ACCEPTABLE
What’s perhaps most interesting about the Japanese study is how socially acceptable online dating appears to have become, an acknowledgement that in this crazy, disenfranchised world, it pays to advertise and in fact, many people do.
Once upon a time, not so very long ago, the notion of personal ads conjured up images of social misfits. I remember curiously leafing through the Village Voice personals as a kid in the seventies as my mother helped a girlfriend of hers sift through responses to an ad she’d placed. Had I known that twenty years into the future such a thing would be one of the few boom sectors in the ailing Internet economy, I might have counseled my investment-wise mommy to find a way to make a business of it. Then, however, the practice was hushed, and all seemed torrid.
In 1986, I made my first foray into the personals. I placed an ad of my own in an alternative paper in the town in North Carolina where I’d moved, but I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend — I was looking for friends of a particular sort, namely, fellow New Yorkers. (A club was spawned, called New Yorkers Anonymous.) Had I moved to a new city in the age of the Web, finding like-minded friends from my hometown would have been even easier.
This sector of online personal ads — simply friendship — is one that those in the business say will likely grow in the future. The unfortunately named Lavalife, which happens to be a partner of MSNBC.com (hey, I told you this was becoming more mainstream — even the New York Times now lets you place romance ads) intends to add a “Friends” section sometime later this year. Peter Housley, chief executive of the business, said the company has found that some people just want to find someone to go to the movies or have coffee. On the other side of the spectrum, Lavalife also allows you to advertise if all you want is to have a fling, making it the virtual equivalent of a singles sex cruise.
Match.com, the eBay of online dating, is more PG rated, at least explicitly. Trish McDermott, who has the coolest title ever — Vice President of Romance — attributes that to the fact that the service was developed mostly by women, who were mindful of making the site seem safe and user friendly.
She herself met her fiancé online — as a divorced single mom working full-time, she explained, where else would she meet potential candidates? (Of course, it’s not bad for business to be able to point to your own personal success with the company that employs you.)
ONLINE DATING SAFER
Cynicism and natural bias acknowledged, McDermott is correct when she reminds us that online dating is in some ways safer than meeting someone out in the random world. For one thing, there’s a digital paper trail on every member.
“When you meet someone at a nightclub, you don’t really know who they are,” she said. Ads that are placed on the service are vetted by a 60-person customer service staff, which rejects those that contain personal contact information, profanity or explicit sexual references.
“I don’t think the Net is populated by any one group of people,” she said. “It’s like society in general, it’s like dating in general.”
Which is to say that just like with the “real world,” there are nice people out there, and strange people out there, people with good intentions and bad. And that means that caution is advisable, as it would be in offline dating. “It’s not rocket science,” McDermott said, who suggests moving slowly and enjoying the “incremental release of information” that happens when two people interchange online. “If no red flags went off, let’s have a cup of coffee, that goes well, let’s have dinner,” she said.
After that, you can deal however you’d like with the emotional hazards inherent in romantic liaisons. For those, you can’t blame the Internet. But if the Japanese government does a study measuring that seemingly immeasurable fact of life, we’ll be sure to keep you apprised.
Any good and/or bad experiences from NCT members?
msnbc.com 25/04/2002
April 25 — A recent news report out of Japan finds that crime linked to online dating sites is on the rise. Headline news analysis: Creeps and weirdoes may log on, yes, but hey, they don’t dwell only on the Internet. Don’t blame the pixels.
STATISTICS WHICH CONCLUDE that just about anything is up on the Internet from one year to the next are sort of ridiculous, simply because use of the medium has been increasing since it became public and commercial. So it stands to reason that from one year to the next, numbers gauging anything that happens on the Web would show an increase.
But these figures from Japan’s National Police Agency, which showed crime rising 8.5 percent last year over the year 2000, are worth mentioning simply because e-mail and the Web do seem to be changing the way we the people meet potential lovers or mates, as well as the way we interact with them. You don’t need any statistics to illustrate that — just ask your friends.
An overwhelming majority of the victims of “online love crimes” are women, according to the Japanese findings, and 80 percent are minors. The crimes include extreme cases of murder and rape, as well as other less heinous incidents. But now is a good time to remind even those of you out there who are not Japanese, not female, and not under 18, that proceeding with caution in matters romantic and online is advised, to protect your physical safety. (As far as your emotional well-being and how to safeguard that in affairs of the heart, whether they are sparked online or off, well, that’s a whole other story.)
One peculiar example of crime and online romance came this week from a journalist in the British newspaper, The Guardian. She wrote about a man she met at the online personals section of Nerve.com, and how he somehow hacked into her e-mail. With that mail as a guide, he seemed magically, soulfully, to have his finger on the pulse of her every thought and move. Understandably, her discovery of his violation of her privacy sent her cascading into despair.
But again, such a thing could happen between two people who know one another in the real, not virtual world. I’ve heard more than one person confess that they’d snooped into their significant others’ e-mail boxes when they weren’t around, and as long as there have been quills, people have been reading their loved ones’ letters. Doesn’t make it right, but doesn’t mean the Internet is evil.
ONLINE DATING ACCEPTABLE
What’s perhaps most interesting about the Japanese study is how socially acceptable online dating appears to have become, an acknowledgement that in this crazy, disenfranchised world, it pays to advertise and in fact, many people do.
Once upon a time, not so very long ago, the notion of personal ads conjured up images of social misfits. I remember curiously leafing through the Village Voice personals as a kid in the seventies as my mother helped a girlfriend of hers sift through responses to an ad she’d placed. Had I known that twenty years into the future such a thing would be one of the few boom sectors in the ailing Internet economy, I might have counseled my investment-wise mommy to find a way to make a business of it. Then, however, the practice was hushed, and all seemed torrid.
In 1986, I made my first foray into the personals. I placed an ad of my own in an alternative paper in the town in North Carolina where I’d moved, but I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend — I was looking for friends of a particular sort, namely, fellow New Yorkers. (A club was spawned, called New Yorkers Anonymous.) Had I moved to a new city in the age of the Web, finding like-minded friends from my hometown would have been even easier.
This sector of online personal ads — simply friendship — is one that those in the business say will likely grow in the future. The unfortunately named Lavalife, which happens to be a partner of MSNBC.com (hey, I told you this was becoming more mainstream — even the New York Times now lets you place romance ads) intends to add a “Friends” section sometime later this year. Peter Housley, chief executive of the business, said the company has found that some people just want to find someone to go to the movies or have coffee. On the other side of the spectrum, Lavalife also allows you to advertise if all you want is to have a fling, making it the virtual equivalent of a singles sex cruise.
Match.com, the eBay of online dating, is more PG rated, at least explicitly. Trish McDermott, who has the coolest title ever — Vice President of Romance — attributes that to the fact that the service was developed mostly by women, who were mindful of making the site seem safe and user friendly.
She herself met her fiancé online — as a divorced single mom working full-time, she explained, where else would she meet potential candidates? (Of course, it’s not bad for business to be able to point to your own personal success with the company that employs you.)
ONLINE DATING SAFER
Cynicism and natural bias acknowledged, McDermott is correct when she reminds us that online dating is in some ways safer than meeting someone out in the random world. For one thing, there’s a digital paper trail on every member.
“When you meet someone at a nightclub, you don’t really know who they are,” she said. Ads that are placed on the service are vetted by a 60-person customer service staff, which rejects those that contain personal contact information, profanity or explicit sexual references.
“I don’t think the Net is populated by any one group of people,” she said. “It’s like society in general, it’s like dating in general.”
Which is to say that just like with the “real world,” there are nice people out there, and strange people out there, people with good intentions and bad. And that means that caution is advisable, as it would be in offline dating. “It’s not rocket science,” McDermott said, who suggests moving slowly and enjoying the “incremental release of information” that happens when two people interchange online. “If no red flags went off, let’s have a cup of coffee, that goes well, let’s have dinner,” she said.
After that, you can deal however you’d like with the emotional hazards inherent in romantic liaisons. For those, you can’t blame the Internet. But if the Japanese government does a study measuring that seemingly immeasurable fact of life, we’ll be sure to keep you apprised.
Any good and/or bad experiences from NCT members?