Diva
04-11-02, 11:46PM
"I'm Shooting With Blanks." What NOT To Say In A Gunfight
A friend of mine put out a singles' ad online. She's always dragging me to bars and then throwing me to the wolves. Then she sits back and laughs as I battle my way out. She asked if I could put a picture in her profile since she's not computer savvy. How lame is that? Of course I agreed, being the good friend that I am. Besides, it would give me a chance to 'touch up' some of her boring parts. Heh. Getting her to give me the password took some doing. Then it was all mine. She called me the next day saying she had 25 messages. I told her the picture did the job. She started reading them as she was talking to me. Her cheery voice changed and she said, "Hold on. Did you do anything to my profile besides put the picture in?" All the while I hear her typing away to get to her info. 'What? I...' was all I got out. Then she screamed. Man, that chick can cuss like a sailor on Friday night. You'd think I posted her nude. I told her that guys don't go for Administrative Assistants. Now, a porn star who's claim to fame was "Anal Intruder IV" was gonna get some feedback! And was I right or was I right? She has no sense of humor.
The one thing that I have to learn is that there are going to be some things that you cannot change. You can't change time and you can't change evil. I don't care what kind of childhood you give it. Evil is just that. Lately, there has been more and more violence in the news. Not just violence, but monsters. Killing a child and making hot-dogs while the paramedics pronounced him; chopping a man's head off in a fit of jealousy and placing it on the dashboard... Evil is what takes the place of a soul. We can transplant organs, reattach limbs, make blind people see... But we have yet to find a way to give someone a soul. Unlike the movies, there is no 666 tattoo. The eyes don't burn red and fangs don't protrude out of their canine teeth. Evil is ageless and gender-less. It has no odor. And there is no haunting music to warn us of impending doom. So, what can we do to protect ourselves? Nothing. Sorry... I wish I could give you a list. All we can do is live our lives to the fullest and walk with no regrets. Anyone have an extra nite-lite?
News~N~Stuff!
Man with stupid baggy pants flees courthouse, pants fall off. I hate baggy pants. Serves him right...Best nude movie scenes of 2001 [Pictures]. Somehow this is newsworthy...Skittles the cat travels 350 miles to reunite with family. Good kitty!Charlton Heston tells stars to fire bodyguards and just carry lots of guns. I'd call him a moron, But he might shoot me...Cop shoots self in leg during prenuptial counseling session with fiancé. Couldn't he have just feigned illness...Doctor will urge teachers to use Homer Simpson as a role model for children. He obviously hasn't watched the Simpsons...Michael Jordan and wife hoping to reconcile. Michael! Michael! Michael! My hero...Dog locks redneck out of his truck and drives it into tree. Bad dog! Bad dog!Naked woman steals police cruiser. Stay calm. This is not another Police Academy movie ...Man lights up joint, offers it to hot tub full of undercover police. Wouldn't you just love to have seen his face?Twin Cities Public Television customer-service worker charged with making terroristic threats in a series of e-mails to a viewer. I think she used to work at the cable company..
A friend of mine put out a singles' ad online. She's always dragging me to bars and then throwing me to the wolves. Then she sits back and laughs as I battle my way out. She asked if I could put a picture in her profile since she's not computer savvy. How lame is that? Of course I agreed, being the good friend that I am. Besides, it would give me a chance to 'touch up' some of her boring parts. Heh. Getting her to give me the password took some doing. Then it was all mine. She called me the next day saying she had 25 messages. I told her the picture did the job. She started reading them as she was talking to me. Her cheery voice changed and she said, "Hold on. Did you do anything to my profile besides put the picture in?" All the while I hear her typing away to get to her info. 'What? I...' was all I got out. Then she screamed. Man, that chick can cuss like a sailor on Friday night. You'd think I posted her nude. I told her that guys don't go for Administrative Assistants. Now, a porn star who's claim to fame was "Anal Intruder IV" was gonna get some feedback! And was I right or was I right? She has no sense of humor.
The one thing that I have to learn is that there are going to be some things that you cannot change. You can't change time and you can't change evil. I don't care what kind of childhood you give it. Evil is just that. Lately, there has been more and more violence in the news. Not just violence, but monsters. Killing a child and making hot-dogs while the paramedics pronounced him; chopping a man's head off in a fit of jealousy and placing it on the dashboard... Evil is what takes the place of a soul. We can transplant organs, reattach limbs, make blind people see... But we have yet to find a way to give someone a soul. Unlike the movies, there is no 666 tattoo. The eyes don't burn red and fangs don't protrude out of their canine teeth. Evil is ageless and gender-less. It has no odor. And there is no haunting music to warn us of impending doom. So, what can we do to protect ourselves? Nothing. Sorry... I wish I could give you a list. All we can do is live our lives to the fullest and walk with no regrets. Anyone have an extra nite-lite?
News~N~Stuff!
Man with stupid baggy pants flees courthouse, pants fall off. I hate baggy pants. Serves him right...Best nude movie scenes of 2001 [Pictures]. Somehow this is newsworthy...Skittles the cat travels 350 miles to reunite with family. Good kitty!Charlton Heston tells stars to fire bodyguards and just carry lots of guns. I'd call him a moron, But he might shoot me...Cop shoots self in leg during prenuptial counseling session with fiancé. Couldn't he have just feigned illness...Doctor will urge teachers to use Homer Simpson as a role model for children. He obviously hasn't watched the Simpsons...Michael Jordan and wife hoping to reconcile. Michael! Michael! Michael! My hero...Dog locks redneck out of his truck and drives it into tree. Bad dog! Bad dog!Naked woman steals police cruiser. Stay calm. This is not another Police Academy movie ...Man lights up joint, offers it to hot tub full of undercover police. Wouldn't you just love to have seen his face?Twin Cities Public Television customer-service worker charged with making terroristic threats in a series of e-mails to a viewer. I think she used to work at the cable company..