Diva
04-11-02, 07:16AM
Girls Just Wanna Have... It All
I have the day off of work. Woo Hoo! It's because I'm sick... again. Boo! Hiss! Personally, I think it's the weight of my tits on my lungs. Everytime I get a cold it goes straight to Bronchitis. Then the waiting game to see if goes to Pneumonia. Fooey! I was feeling really dizzy last night [Shut up Sonny] so I went to the ER. That was loads of fun. Nothing like explaining the color of your phlegm to some young doctor while you look and feel like shit. On top of everything else, I have dehydration. I knew what was coming next. Ye ole needle for fluids. I hate needles. I know, I know. Everybody hates needles. But I faint. Well, only twice so far. What a wimp! The next thing I know Nurse Rached walks in. I explain to her that I'm not too hip on needles, trying to downplay it. She grunts and starts looking for veins. For a minute I thought she was going for my jugular. No ones pretty at 2:30AM. NO ONE. She starts talking about how she hopes she can get it on the first try. Now I'm sweating it. She asks me if I'm ready. Then she holds the needle almost up to my nose and says, "Here we go!" I visualized Norman in Psycho. Who smiles when they're sticking a needle in you? Psycho killers, that's who. Then it happens. The bitch perforates my vein. Perforate... As in goes straight through. I pleasantly *cough* declined the IV fluids and even gave her a helpful suggestion as to where she should put that needle. You know what my consolation was? A fucking Daffy Duck Band-Aid. Oh yes, that makes it all better. I completely forgot that she severed my vein!
I love looking through all of the different news links. When I find a particularly bizarre one the first thing that pops into my mind is, "Oh please don't let it be local." Even though I have many friends along the bible belt, somehow the most off the wall stories can be summed up by one word: Redneck. Hi Red, Usantic... Heh. It's funny how we all seem to be so liberal minded, bla bla... Yet when siblings marry it's understood if it's from the South. What?!?!?! A brother knocked up his sister? Ewww!!!!! Where? Alabama? Oh. Yeah, that's about right. Those 'rednecks'. Gotta count the fingers and toes on every child in those 'neck' of the woods. Somehow we have the understanding that a date is equal to a family reunion. The joke about the family trees that don't branch is another one. Heh. Ew. When the laws are different in another country, we have no say in what is right and wrong. But when a man is lynched in the South for being black... Why is it considered geographically unlucky? Kissing cousins is not quaint. It's nasty. And don't get me going on whether or not it counts that BillyJoeBob lost his virginity to Bessy, the family cow. And on that note, here's the news [Take that, Dan Rather].
News~N~Stuff!
Two year old gets $90 fine for double-parking (picture). And I thought our parking laws were tough.... Georgia law to ban answering the door buck naked. Y'all a bunch of prudes.... PC files confirm shoe bomb suspect was working for al Qaeda. Desert. Put shoes on. Light him up and justice is served, his style... "Don't drink flushed toilet water" and other wacky warning labels. Damn! Too late... There's a naked chick on the 50 euro note. Apparentlyit shows what you can buy with it... Ralph Nader is guilty of 'false advertising' about Green Party status, say Libertarians. I had to put this one up. Ironic, isn't it? Reasons why every coach in the NFL should be fired. Heh... Olympic figure skating judges ban crotch shots. Like the photographers will listen... Alaska court finds mental illness is not cause for revoking concealed handgun permit. No wonder Bush likes Alaska so much... Camera crew hopes to capture proof of parallel dimensions in New Jersey. You mean the place where people actually like living there? Man steals beer to get back into prison. The sad part is... He's right. Bull semen thief brought to justice. Kind of says it all... don't it?
I have the day off of work. Woo Hoo! It's because I'm sick... again. Boo! Hiss! Personally, I think it's the weight of my tits on my lungs. Everytime I get a cold it goes straight to Bronchitis. Then the waiting game to see if goes to Pneumonia. Fooey! I was feeling really dizzy last night [Shut up Sonny] so I went to the ER. That was loads of fun. Nothing like explaining the color of your phlegm to some young doctor while you look and feel like shit. On top of everything else, I have dehydration. I knew what was coming next. Ye ole needle for fluids. I hate needles. I know, I know. Everybody hates needles. But I faint. Well, only twice so far. What a wimp! The next thing I know Nurse Rached walks in. I explain to her that I'm not too hip on needles, trying to downplay it. She grunts and starts looking for veins. For a minute I thought she was going for my jugular. No ones pretty at 2:30AM. NO ONE. She starts talking about how she hopes she can get it on the first try. Now I'm sweating it. She asks me if I'm ready. Then she holds the needle almost up to my nose and says, "Here we go!" I visualized Norman in Psycho. Who smiles when they're sticking a needle in you? Psycho killers, that's who. Then it happens. The bitch perforates my vein. Perforate... As in goes straight through. I pleasantly *cough* declined the IV fluids and even gave her a helpful suggestion as to where she should put that needle. You know what my consolation was? A fucking Daffy Duck Band-Aid. Oh yes, that makes it all better. I completely forgot that she severed my vein!
I love looking through all of the different news links. When I find a particularly bizarre one the first thing that pops into my mind is, "Oh please don't let it be local." Even though I have many friends along the bible belt, somehow the most off the wall stories can be summed up by one word: Redneck. Hi Red, Usantic... Heh. It's funny how we all seem to be so liberal minded, bla bla... Yet when siblings marry it's understood if it's from the South. What?!?!?! A brother knocked up his sister? Ewww!!!!! Where? Alabama? Oh. Yeah, that's about right. Those 'rednecks'. Gotta count the fingers and toes on every child in those 'neck' of the woods. Somehow we have the understanding that a date is equal to a family reunion. The joke about the family trees that don't branch is another one. Heh. Ew. When the laws are different in another country, we have no say in what is right and wrong. But when a man is lynched in the South for being black... Why is it considered geographically unlucky? Kissing cousins is not quaint. It's nasty. And don't get me going on whether or not it counts that BillyJoeBob lost his virginity to Bessy, the family cow. And on that note, here's the news [Take that, Dan Rather].
News~N~Stuff!
Two year old gets $90 fine for double-parking (picture). And I thought our parking laws were tough.... Georgia law to ban answering the door buck naked. Y'all a bunch of prudes.... PC files confirm shoe bomb suspect was working for al Qaeda. Desert. Put shoes on. Light him up and justice is served, his style... "Don't drink flushed toilet water" and other wacky warning labels. Damn! Too late... There's a naked chick on the 50 euro note. Apparentlyit shows what you can buy with it... Ralph Nader is guilty of 'false advertising' about Green Party status, say Libertarians. I had to put this one up. Ironic, isn't it? Reasons why every coach in the NFL should be fired. Heh... Olympic figure skating judges ban crotch shots. Like the photographers will listen... Alaska court finds mental illness is not cause for revoking concealed handgun permit. No wonder Bush likes Alaska so much... Camera crew hopes to capture proof of parallel dimensions in New Jersey. You mean the place where people actually like living there? Man steals beer to get back into prison. The sad part is... He's right. Bull semen thief brought to justice. Kind of says it all... don't it?