Diva
04-07-02, 04:21AM
I Feel Like My Lungs Are Caving In... No, Not From The Pressure , Smart-Ass
I hate colds. I could cough up a lung. This is not pretty. Some chick called me 'sir' on the phone. Bitch. It's not even a Kathleen Turner voice. That I could deal with. I'd change my answering machine message and do audio's to boot! I sound more like Jesse Ventura. Lovely. You'd swear I have emphysema. I don't even smoke. Never have. Okay, that's not entirely true. When I was 16 years old I tried it. Once. Wanna laugh? ... I was working at Taco Bell. Shut Up! Actually, they had the freshest food. Unlike zit central burger joints. We had a blast at that place. I was living on my own as an emancipated minor, so I could work full time while going to school. We would close that place up, pull out the chairs and blast the music. There we were, One O'clock in the morning, dancing around the restaurant in our dorky outfits. Polyester sucks shit. Anyhoo, I was nervous about finals, etc... and in a moment of weakness listened to my friend, the pot head [Excuse me... 'Organically Challenged']. This is a girl who changed her 'Eat The Bowl' tostada promo badge to say 'Snap The Bowl'. So she says smoke a cigarette, it'll make me feel calmer. She persisted until I said yes. "Just take one deep puff. Hold it for a few seconds and exhale." Easy enough, right? Cue the I Love Lucy Music... I was too embarrassed to smoke it in front of anyone so I went to the restroom. Let me just say that our 'restroom' was a fucking mop closet sized toilet. You had to practically climb over the toilet to close the door. So here I am trying to be cool. Sort of. I light up the Marlboro cigarette [the strongest one you can buy at that time] and take a deep long hit. All I remember was the sensation of my lungs incinerating... like I sucked on a flame thrower. The next thing I remember is some cute firefighter trying to keep a straight face as he carried my sorry ass out of the bathroom. What? What happened? Well... That 'relaxing' puff made me so light headed that I damn near went unconscious. The toilet seat made sure that I accomplished my goal of complete relaxation. Yep, it knocked me out, gave me a minor concussion, and the joke that would never die. They put the master key on a screwdriver so they could pop the hinges for me. I was frisked for cigs, sarcastic, 'You all right in there?' remarks, and these were my friends. I got to go out with a fireman though. :)
I hate colds. I could cough up a lung. This is not pretty. Some chick called me 'sir' on the phone. Bitch. It's not even a Kathleen Turner voice. That I could deal with. I'd change my answering machine message and do audio's to boot! I sound more like Jesse Ventura. Lovely. You'd swear I have emphysema. I don't even smoke. Never have. Okay, that's not entirely true. When I was 16 years old I tried it. Once. Wanna laugh? ... I was working at Taco Bell. Shut Up! Actually, they had the freshest food. Unlike zit central burger joints. We had a blast at that place. I was living on my own as an emancipated minor, so I could work full time while going to school. We would close that place up, pull out the chairs and blast the music. There we were, One O'clock in the morning, dancing around the restaurant in our dorky outfits. Polyester sucks shit. Anyhoo, I was nervous about finals, etc... and in a moment of weakness listened to my friend, the pot head [Excuse me... 'Organically Challenged']. This is a girl who changed her 'Eat The Bowl' tostada promo badge to say 'Snap The Bowl'. So she says smoke a cigarette, it'll make me feel calmer. She persisted until I said yes. "Just take one deep puff. Hold it for a few seconds and exhale." Easy enough, right? Cue the I Love Lucy Music... I was too embarrassed to smoke it in front of anyone so I went to the restroom. Let me just say that our 'restroom' was a fucking mop closet sized toilet. You had to practically climb over the toilet to close the door. So here I am trying to be cool. Sort of. I light up the Marlboro cigarette [the strongest one you can buy at that time] and take a deep long hit. All I remember was the sensation of my lungs incinerating... like I sucked on a flame thrower. The next thing I remember is some cute firefighter trying to keep a straight face as he carried my sorry ass out of the bathroom. What? What happened? Well... That 'relaxing' puff made me so light headed that I damn near went unconscious. The toilet seat made sure that I accomplished my goal of complete relaxation. Yep, it knocked me out, gave me a minor concussion, and the joke that would never die. They put the master key on a screwdriver so they could pop the hinges for me. I was frisked for cigs, sarcastic, 'You all right in there?' remarks, and these were my friends. I got to go out with a fireman though. :)