Diva
04-05-02, 01:57PM
It's A Bird. It's A Plane... Nope. It's The Day Flying By
I blinked and it was gone. I asked my friend, "Wouldn't it be great if the whole week went this fast?" Ever the optimist [Major sarcasm here] She quipped' "Yeah, but what if it didn't stop?" Bitch. Why must people love to give bad news? Seriously. I've known chicks who smile when they're telling you someone has died... because they got to tell you first. Searching for the perfect piece of furniture? Guaranteed, a week after you buy it, "Oh, my brother/dad/uncle could have sold you that for half price." Don't even think about putting me next to any breeders. I had to go to a baby shower the other day. Those pregos need to be in a corner of their own... Where they can torment some first time mother quietly. Or do I look like I have a sticker that says, "Tell me about your episiotomy" on the bumper of my car? That's while some other knocked up broad is retelling her 300 hour delivery [which used to be 13 hours]. 'Every single second of it was pure pain! Pain I'll tell ya! I was begging them to hit me over the head with a hammer!' Fifteen minutes later the same wench is saying, "Oh no... You shouldn't use a needle. There's nothing quite like the experience of natural childbirth.' I wanted to clock that bitch upside the head. Nothing? How about having a tonsillectomy through your ass, hmmm? At the first sound of a video being popped in the player, Or the words 'birth' and pictures to 'remember the occasion by', I'm outta there faster than a twinkie at a Jenny Craig's meeting. No matter what the subject, somebody's gonna one up you. Whenever I hear 'That must of been awful. Now let me tell you what happened to me' I get my hip boots and goggles ready. If they move on to 'Oh that's nothing' it's more like "Fire in the hole!" and dive for the nearest exit. Sure, I get funky looks, but... What? Oh, eat me
I blinked and it was gone. I asked my friend, "Wouldn't it be great if the whole week went this fast?" Ever the optimist [Major sarcasm here] She quipped' "Yeah, but what if it didn't stop?" Bitch. Why must people love to give bad news? Seriously. I've known chicks who smile when they're telling you someone has died... because they got to tell you first. Searching for the perfect piece of furniture? Guaranteed, a week after you buy it, "Oh, my brother/dad/uncle could have sold you that for half price." Don't even think about putting me next to any breeders. I had to go to a baby shower the other day. Those pregos need to be in a corner of their own... Where they can torment some first time mother quietly. Or do I look like I have a sticker that says, "Tell me about your episiotomy" on the bumper of my car? That's while some other knocked up broad is retelling her 300 hour delivery [which used to be 13 hours]. 'Every single second of it was pure pain! Pain I'll tell ya! I was begging them to hit me over the head with a hammer!' Fifteen minutes later the same wench is saying, "Oh no... You shouldn't use a needle. There's nothing quite like the experience of natural childbirth.' I wanted to clock that bitch upside the head. Nothing? How about having a tonsillectomy through your ass, hmmm? At the first sound of a video being popped in the player, Or the words 'birth' and pictures to 'remember the occasion by', I'm outta there faster than a twinkie at a Jenny Craig's meeting. No matter what the subject, somebody's gonna one up you. Whenever I hear 'That must of been awful. Now let me tell you what happened to me' I get my hip boots and goggles ready. If they move on to 'Oh that's nothing' it's more like "Fire in the hole!" and dive for the nearest exit. Sure, I get funky looks, but... What? Oh, eat me