Diva
04-05-02, 01:43PM
The Journey Continues...
I spent half the night trying to just relax. Soak in my new adventure. The first part is always the hardest. Climbing that initial hill. Looking back is comfort. Albeit false comfort. It would be so easy to just turn around and... Not an option. New ground is always the most rickety. I stumble, catch myself... nope. Right to the ground. Shit! Maybe I should get some Gerber's for dinner. Something hit me tonight as I sit nursing my wounds on uneven ground. The deep breaths that almost feel stifling were actually parts of my lungs being used for the first time. Space comes hand in hand with this journey. Space to breath. Space to just be you. It was actually very comforting. I turned off the computer and took a breather from that, too. It's odd how a machine came become attached at the hip. I've looked at my computer to be my lifeline. Looking at it this evening I could see its true form. Blank. Lifeless. Non nurturing. Like my pens and paper. It doesn't create life. I give it life. As does the people on the receiving end. I had to fight the urge to turn it on. I'll just check the email... Or I'll shock the shit outta everyone and do an update on the weekend... Instead, I sat down and wrote all of the things that I want to do. Everything I would like to change. My goals. And then I laughed my ass off. As if!!! But laughing felt good. Later on I did check my email. I received some great ones from guys who feel or have felt the same way. One guy in particular really made me feel better. Not because I reminded him of something painful, but that I eased some of his pain. Hearing that someone has been touched by my words is almost impossible to describe. The content made me sad. I don't wish heartache on anyone. Not enemies... No one. It's not my style. But if I was able to comfort someone. Even in the smallest token of honesty... then my life on this earth is serving it's purpose. I do need to thank two special guys who listened to my vague lament and gave me words of encouragement. The sailor man who's back on shore [Nigel says hi]. And to a fellow webmaster who spent his birthday listening to me ramble about nothing and everything. Even into the wee hours of his birthday. Thanks Andy. I'm starting fresh and getting my butt in gear. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA... HA! Sorry, it was on my list. I kill me. Tonight... I'm surfing for porn.
I spent half the night trying to just relax. Soak in my new adventure. The first part is always the hardest. Climbing that initial hill. Looking back is comfort. Albeit false comfort. It would be so easy to just turn around and... Not an option. New ground is always the most rickety. I stumble, catch myself... nope. Right to the ground. Shit! Maybe I should get some Gerber's for dinner. Something hit me tonight as I sit nursing my wounds on uneven ground. The deep breaths that almost feel stifling were actually parts of my lungs being used for the first time. Space comes hand in hand with this journey. Space to breath. Space to just be you. It was actually very comforting. I turned off the computer and took a breather from that, too. It's odd how a machine came become attached at the hip. I've looked at my computer to be my lifeline. Looking at it this evening I could see its true form. Blank. Lifeless. Non nurturing. Like my pens and paper. It doesn't create life. I give it life. As does the people on the receiving end. I had to fight the urge to turn it on. I'll just check the email... Or I'll shock the shit outta everyone and do an update on the weekend... Instead, I sat down and wrote all of the things that I want to do. Everything I would like to change. My goals. And then I laughed my ass off. As if!!! But laughing felt good. Later on I did check my email. I received some great ones from guys who feel or have felt the same way. One guy in particular really made me feel better. Not because I reminded him of something painful, but that I eased some of his pain. Hearing that someone has been touched by my words is almost impossible to describe. The content made me sad. I don't wish heartache on anyone. Not enemies... No one. It's not my style. But if I was able to comfort someone. Even in the smallest token of honesty... then my life on this earth is serving it's purpose. I do need to thank two special guys who listened to my vague lament and gave me words of encouragement. The sailor man who's back on shore [Nigel says hi]. And to a fellow webmaster who spent his birthday listening to me ramble about nothing and everything. Even into the wee hours of his birthday. Thanks Andy. I'm starting fresh and getting my butt in gear. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA... HA! Sorry, it was on my list. I kill me. Tonight... I'm surfing for porn.