Presidential Colonoscopy

[Bassmama]

So, it was reported today that GW is going to have a colonoscopy.

I wonder how they decide which end to stick the tube in.



Do you realize that Cheney will be president while GW is getting roto rootered? SCARY!

[Bones]

Colonoscopy is the minimally invasive endoscopic examination of the large colon and the distal part of the small bowel with a CCD camera or a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube passed through the anus.

There is nothing minimally invasive about having something run up my ass. Why is this news? I really don't want to know that the president is having this done. And I'm sure he really likes the world to know he's having a fiber optic cable shoved up his hind parts.

BTW Bass. Cheney will only be in charge for a few hours. I'm sure he will find a way to destroy the world while he has the chance.

[Amaurote]

"Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose?

Well, this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival, you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called The Better ‘Ole that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like:

‘Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?’

‘Nah I had to go relieve myself.’

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights.

It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags. Nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth.

Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him:

‘It’s you who will shut up in the end, not me. Because we don’t need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and shit.’

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call UDT — un-differentiated tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body.

He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell.

So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes, you dig?

That’s one thing the asshole couldn’t do - was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off.

For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk."

http://www.mactonnies.com/davidandbill.gif

[Bones]

That was really weird Am. Interesting. But weird.

Anyway. Cheney had 2 hours to destroy the world. He could have gone down in history as the man that destroyed history. And he failed.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/B/BUSH_COLONOSCOPY?SITE=TXSAE&SECTION=US&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2007-07-21-06-16-58

[Amaurote]

That was really weird Am. Interesting. But weird.


For the full Burroughs effect, you need the Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy's Spare Ass Annie and Other Stories - great album.

[Bones]

For the full Burroughs effect, you need the Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy's Spare Ass Annie and Other Stories - great album.

I'll have to check that out.

[Beat_Criminal]

I wonder if they used any cruel methods during the colonoscopy like waterboarding or making him pose naked wearing a dog leash and staced on top of other "patients" like a cheerleader pyramid? Can you imagine having to be the doctor? Here's a scenario he probably went thru when he got home:

Wife: Hi honey, how was your day?
Doctor: I stuck a tube up the president's ass.
Wife: Well, did you at least buy him dinner first?

That's just a conversation that I hope I never have to have with my wife or my doctor.

-B

[mine]

it's almost funny how the guy gets something up his arse and the whole planet knows about it.

[Bassmama]

Yeah- but it's funny what they found up there- the heads of every warmonger & oil official, plus a few politicians from the early days that had disappeared.

[Bones]

Yeah- but it's funny what they found up there- the heads of every warmonger & oil official, plus a few politicians from the early days that had disappeared.

Did they find Jimmy Hoffa while they were rooting around up there?

[mine]

They won't find him there, I buried him somewhere else.:shutup:




What?