Toast

[Bones]

Toast
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm toast."

A ray of light breaks forth from the sky and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT toast. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash in the head of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the sprawled out-chief.

Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're toast!"

[mine]

:D

[trekbugging]

heard this one once--maybe here
3 men land on a island -- and a lot of natives came out after them, caught them and told them to go collect fruit to help feed the tribe, the first man came back with bannanas, the chief gave him a choice, " we will chop off your head now or if you can fit all the fruit up your arse without crying out we will let you live" so he tried to shove it up there, but after the second one he cried out in pain and CHOP off went his head-- then the second guy came out with a bunch of grapes, same choice , so there he was pop, pop, shoving them when he started to laugh-CHOPoff went his head-- he meet the first guy in heaven, and he asked what happened " well there i was popping the grapes up there when i looked up and saw Bob coming out of the jungle with a pineapple--:)

[caufield]

A plane is flying over the alps with four people inside, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the oldest man in the world, and a boy scout. The pilot comes back and says that the plane has run out of gas and is about to crash. He grabs one of the three parachutes and jumps out of the plane. The smartest man in the world stands up, grabs a chute and says, "I'm the smartest man in the world. The world needs me. I can save lives and change the world. I need to live." He jumps out of the plane. The oldest man in the world looks at the boy and says, "Son, I've lived a long happy life. You take the final parachute." Boy scout looks at him and says, "Don't worry, the smartest man in the world just took my back pack."
It's not too funny, but it always makes me smile

[Bassmama]

Two cannibals were feasting on the guy they'd just roasted, each starting with a foot & working their ways up.

After about 20 minutes, Joe turns to Fred & says "Hey, Fred- I'm really enjoying myself. I'm just having a ball!"

Fred turns & starts yelling "Slow the hell down- you're eating too fast!"

[Bones]

"Don't worry, the smartest man in the world just took my back pack."

:lolrotf: