WTF

[JakeD]

Today, I was talking about a recent operations issue with my co-workers and I was giving my take on the whole shebang, when suddenly out of fucking nowhere, I hear the beginning chords from Rilo Kiley's "Portions For Foxes" (http://rilokiley.com/) playing.

From my hip.

I'm convinced that I'm completely losing my shit, but I look up and see the faces of several women staring at my waist. Particularly, my phone. Then, my ringtone (http://www.myxertones.com/ringtone:22529/) (the ringtone on Chev Chelios' phone in the film "Crank") starts playing. Cue the "Oh my god, it sounds like your phone's dying!" "What the hell's wrong with it!" Cue me stripping it off of my belt like it's on fire, ripping the rubber case off of it, yanking off the battery cover, unsheathing the stylus like it's fucking Excalibur from the stone, and spastically stabbing at the soft-reset button.

Then the phone dies. I'm standing there holding my phone, a bewildered look in my eyes, and everyone just sort of walks away.

Apparently I had managed to lean against something and press the right amount of buttons to queue up the Kinoma Radio function, and then it just went haywire from there.

So with that in mind, what's been your latest "what the fuck?" moment?

[kittyroze]

I think there are many different types of WTF moments, so I'm not sure what my last one was. I did spend several minutes swearing at my glass sliding door this morning, trying to get it open, only to realize that the pin that locks it was still in. Sometimes I wonder if I should dye my hair to match my intellect*.

*I kid of course. I'm a wee bit jealous of you blonde bombshells only because me going blonde would be like dying a black panther magenta.

[Bones]

My neighbors grandchildren running around in their underwear, chasing a chihuahua as he chased them trying to round them up. That put the WTF look on my face.

[thestarsfall]

The "adult" puzzle I found in the unit I am cleaning out today...that and the placemats featuring stripping fat ladies (cartoon).

[JakeD]

Mine was getting on the bus a couple of weeks ago and immediately being hit with the stench of bile and parmesan cheese. I paid my fare, walked to the back, and found the source of the odor: Someone had apparently gotten a little too shitfaced Saturday night and puked all over the back of the bus on the way home. It looked like they had some sort of multi-cheese risotto, but I wasn't going to push investigating it any further. There was plenty of open space (as were windows) on the bus, but a lone, grizzled old woman sat one seat forward from the puke, her face completely screwed into an expression of utter disgust. Her look could have best been described as that of a puckered asshole with sunglasses. It was great.

[dynamitt]

let see what i can remeber now. A few weeks back I was on the bus on my way to work. I was sitting right behind the driver. The bus had stopped and was on his way back out on the road when a car suddenly drove past in high speed and cut in right infront of the bus. As soon as car was infront, the driver of the car slammed the brakes making the bus driver hit his brakes for the second time in a few seconds.

I let out WTF and the bus driver heard me and said he agreed. the driver of the car kept driving insane so the busdriver took down his number and I beleived he called the police.

[JakeD]

let see what i can remeber now. A few weeks back I was on the bus on my way to work. I was sitting right behind the driver. The bus had stopped and was on his way back out on the road when a car suddenly drove past in high speed and cut in right infront of the bus. As soon as car was infront, the driver of the car slammed the brakes making the bus driver hit his brakes for the second time in a few seconds.

I let out WTF and the bus driver heard me and said he agreed. the driver of the car kept driving insane so the busdriver took down his number and I beleived he called the police.

I wish we could do that here. My bus drivers are all like "well, we didn't hit anyone and nobody died, so let's keep going..."

[Amaurote]

Last night. There's a notorious old joke here about a prison officer being tricked with someone telling him "Phone for you. There's a woman with a pram at the Gate who wants to know what you want for your tea", but I never thought I'd see anyone fall for it in front of me, let alone a seasoned officer. My colleague delivered the lines word-perfect and I watched in amazement as the poor chap walked right into it with a stunned face and went for the phone. I thought he was pretending to play along for a second, but no, not a bit of it. The entire room erupted with mirth when he returned red-faced with the obligatory, "You bastard!"

[thestarsfall]

Mine was getting on the bus a couple of weeks ago and immediately being hit with the stench of bile and parmesan cheese. I paid my fare, walked to the back, and found the source of the odor: Someone had apparently gotten a little too shitfaced Saturday night and puked all over the back of the bus on the way home.

The acid in Parmesan cheese is the same acid that makes vomit smell like vomit...

yay nerd me!

[entipy]

Dude, that's nasty.

[Unforgiven]

Dude, that's nasty.

You misspelled "delicious".

[entipy]

I don't get it

[Bassmama]

I don't get it
That's OK- neither does Unfy...

Twice this past week I took my boat, launched it, started it, & cruised out the channel into open water- & the engine quit. I had to wave other boats down & get towed back.

Since then I have done all kinds of work on it & yesterday tried to start it. NOT. Dead battery.

So I charged the battery up & tomorrow AM will go try to start it AGAIN!

By the time I get the damned thing running, it'll be winter again.......................................

[mine]

good luck bassmama!

[Bassmama]

Thanks, Mine.

Well, it wasn't the battery. I put new cables in (choke & throttle), KNOW I have it adjusted correctly, KNOW there's pleanty of electric to the selanoid, but am too chicken to try starting it by using a screwdriver & touching it from one bolt to the other. (I DON'T like sparks/electrical stuff). I figure it's the selanoid, anyway- the starter's real new- only been used about 10-15 times. So, I'm pissy 'cause I've spent 2 days working on this thing & not getting results.

Tomorrow.....

[Diva]

Dude, that's nasty.


You misspelled "delicious".


I don't get it

meaning he thinks 'nasty' should be 'delicious'. Duh...


My latest one was probably the idiot yelling out 'I'm not a blonde, either' at the gas station to make a point about her understanding how to pump gas. Stupid heifer.

[entipy]

:p

[JakeD]

I just got back from a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things from the deli for dinner tonight. I walked in and they were sparsely busy, with people running here and there doing odds and ends before the afternoon crowds hit. I walked up to the counter and an older Hispanic woman greeted me. I asked for a pound of potato salad and fried chicken, and she smiled, nodded, grabbed a spoon, and started shoveling chicken salad into a container. I politely stopped her and said, "Sorry, I meant a pound of potato salad." She smiled again, nodded, scooped out half of the container, and held it up for my approval. I smiled, shook my head, and finally said in Spanish(keep in mind, the rest of the conversation with her was in Spanish), "No ma'am, I was asking for a pound of potato salad and an order of chicken." "Ohhhh!" she exclaimed, followed by rapid apologies.

I told her that it was fine, that I was sure that they were getting ready for a big afternoon crowd, and she laughed and agreed, slapped a sticker on the plastic container of potato salad...and walked off. I said, "Senora? I also wanted to get an order of chicken, please." She came back, apologizing again, and snatched up a pair of tongs and a plastic container.

People started gathering around to place orders, so I figured I'd make it quick. I pointed to a young girl behind the counter who was placing freshly-cooked pieces of chicken into containers, sealing them off, and labeling them, and said, "I'll take one of those, if you don't mind." I seriously could not have been any more polite to this woman the entire time short of stepping behind the counter, dropping her pants, and tossing her salad in an act of completely servile gratitude.

She turned to a younger guy behind her and asked him something, and he walked up to the counter and snapped at me in English: "THEY'RE $5.99." I tried to mask my "what the fuck" face and said, "...I know that." We matched a stare, and he snarled "THERE'S ALSO CHICKEN IN THE CASE BEHIND YOU."

"I know that, but I would like one of the orders that's already put together with freshly-made chicken, if that's okay."

Now mind you, all he had to do was just reach over, pick up the goddamn container, and hand it to me, and the whole scenario would have been said and done in a matter of three-five seconds, but no. He stood there, sour-faced, and barked "THE CHICKEN IS MADE FRESH EVERY 45 MINUTES."

I finally thought, 'You know what? Screw this guy.'

"Well, sir, if I wanted something that's been sitting in the case for who knows how long, then I would have picked it out of the FUCKING case then, wouldn't I?"

The people who had gathered to order snapped their heads in our direction and got really quiet.

The guy's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He reached over, picked up a container of chicken, and handed it to me.

I kept the same glare that he had afforded me from the beginning of our conversation, growled "Thank you, sir, and have a great day", and walked off.

Having worked in a deli before, I know it can be frustrating. Try working at a decent Italian bistro frequented by wealthy Westside yuppie-types and then come be a dick to me over fried fucking chicken, dude.

[Bones]

Yay Jake!!! I hate it when I order something and somehow the person on the other side of the counter decides I want something else. I am very clear and precise about what I want when I order something. The only thing they have to do is pass over what I asked for. How hard is that?

[JakeD]

This was a total dick move, but I was seriously bugged out.

I go to the gym mid-afternoons so that I don't have to deal with the lunch crowds of weiners who go there to pick up on chicks/guys and do curls with ten-pound weights. While not as hardcore as some of the guys that go there, I go to the gym to bust my ass and throw some relatively heavy weight around.

So this afternoon, I went and made my rounds...started off at the benchpress, did a couple of sets, went to the cable station, did a few sets, hit the freeweights for squats, incline presses, and hammer curls, hit the seated row station for a few sets, did some more work at the cable station, and went back to the benches only to see four guys occupying each bench....sitting there. Two of them were on their cell phones, one was just sitting there flexing and looking at himself in the mirror, and another one was reading. Reading. At the fucking gym, on a fucking weight bench.

So I stood there, crossed my arms, and gave them all a pointed stare. When my derision failed to register, I finally piped up and cracked, "Excuse me, guys. Is this the weight room, or the waiting room?"

I was met with glares that were almost as frustrated as mine, until an older guy that works out there came up and said "Yeah, if you're going to just sit around on your cell phones, there's plenty of cardio and ab equipment upstairs. Seems to work for everybody else."

Their glares kinda softened when he stepped up. I thought the guy looked a bit tubby and dorky the first time I saw him in there around a month ago, but any possible criticisms of him vanished when I watched him bench 400 ten times with an underhanded grip like he was pushing air. So they all just sorta collected and scattered, and he laughed and said, "I don't get it. Why pay a monthly fee if you're going to sit around, drink water, and talk on your cell phone? They could do it for free anywhere else." I just kinda muttered "Well, Paris Hilton doesn't work out anywhere else."

He guffawed and slapped me on the back hard enough that I thought something was dislodged, and thanks to the godawful sunburn I'm recovering from I had to fight back the urge to screech like a girl and betray my previously semi-macho image.

But I never understood why guys with medium-to-large builds go there, work out with the wimpiest weights possible, and then spend the rest of the time talking and taking up space on perfectly good equipment. It's retarded. I should start placing bets with the big guy on how long they'll stick around...

[kittyroze]

Yesterday morning, as I was screening my calls, I heard, "You need to speak up when you misunderstand me."

You know, because I am fully aware of what the crazy person is trying to say as opposed to what they are actually saying.

[Bones]

Yesterday morning, as I was screening my calls, I heard, "You need to speak up when you misunderstand me."

You know, because I am fully aware of what the crazy person is trying to say as opposed to what they are actually saying.

That makes about as much sense as giving my sister a bottle of tequila and fire crackers.

[Amaurote]

Two of them were on their cell phones, one was just sitting there flexing and looking at himself in the mirror, and another one was reading. Reading. At the fucking gym, on a fucking weight bench.


Tangential, this, but a few weeks ago a con came in to see me and he overdid the sycophancy on the officer he knew full well was listening in from the next room:

"Officer X is a great bloke, really on the ball. He's so clever, you can't get him away from a book; all he does on the wing is read books, one after the other."

At this point we all fell about. The funny thing was, it was clearly intended as some kind of compliment.

[Bassmama]

I was promised my boat back "probably thursday, definitely Friday- you'll have it by the weekend." Friday came & I called in the early afternoon to see if it was ready yet & the woman that answers the phone sometimes proceeded to try to chew me a new asshole. It seems her boss (who was the one working on it) told her that he thought she'd given me the impression that the boat would be done earlier than 2 weeks & chewed her out for it (therefore, she was going to chew me a new one) I told her that HE was the one who told me it would be done early, not her & to send him to me if he continued to give her a hard time about it. She didn't but continued to be somewhat snotty to me.

Yesterday, I got a call that it was done & went to cruise it around the local bay (test drive) & came face to face with her. I didn't say anything, but she had a clenched teeth, sourpuss from the time she saw me until I left- I smiled SOOO sweetly at her & didn't way a word. Hope I fucked her whole afternoon up!

I now have my boat back & have to work on the bilge pump & lights & after the mechanic did a small adjustment, it runs GREAT!!!! And I found out that I will probably be able to sell it next year for more $$ than I paid for it if I want, because people are looking for boats like mine & they're in short supply used. YEEHA!

[Bones]

This is one of those times when a bitch slap is perfectly acceptable.