Diva
04-04-02, 01:38AM
May 29, 2001
A friend of mine wanted to take me to some spa for a relaxing day of gasping for air in a sauna. Then get into a vat of dirt so that the next year or so I'll have dirt coming out of my ass. And to top it all off, have some stranger snap various bones in my body while saying, "Ah, now doesn't that feel better?" Lovely. I'd rather slam my head against the wall until I knocked myself out. Sleep off any tenseness in the coma. Maybe it's just me.. Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority. But when ever I get a back rub, it means sex. First the guy starts with the whini.. Mentioning of aching muscles. Somehow the chick magically gets a degree in physical therapy and is asked to give a backrub. Fine. Whatever. So she practically snaps wrists working out his tense muscles in his back, pushing them into the guy's pants. Then it's her turn. Somehow a woman's shirt and bra transform into a suit of armor and must be removed. She lays down on the bed. He gently sits on her legs, being careful not to cut off circulation... and then snaps her collarbone and punches his thumb through the shoulder blade. You guys think you're so slick. Mortally wound a girl so that she begs you to stop. And as she's lying there, immobile, you convince her that taking of her cloths will alleviate the pressure and heal her. Like Orel Roberts. Speaking of oral. No, no. I'm getting a head of things. D'oh! First of all, why does the chick have to get naked first? Couldn't you make up some story about the healing power of nudity? You don't want to chafe her sensitive skin with your jeans as you're puncturing her lung? If you can get a chick to believe you've got a cramp that only she can take care of, come on people! Let's put some imagination into it!.
If they have classes on safe sex, why can't they throw in a lesson or three on oral sex ? Safe sex doesn't have to be lousy sex. When 'pleasing your woman' means annoying the shit out of her until she begs you to 'please' come up and start fucking... something's wrong here. What if she stuck your dick in her mouth and just sat there? Simply putting your tongue up against the clitoris and drooling is the equivalent of sticking your finger up to someone's' eye and say, "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you." Someone's gonna get slapped. I love Sam Kinison's theory... "It's not a fence. You're not painting it. Pretend you're writing a letter to Santa... with your tongue. In calligraphy." Oh yeah... Hmmmmm. Oh. Uh.. And that's why I don't want some funky stranger named Heinrick giving me a massage. What was I saying? Shit.
Anal Sex... The Last Frontier
So you want to have anal sex, huh? How many guys are nodding their heads. What is it with men and anal sex? I can't tell you how many guys have told me about their desire to have anal sex. And how many have asked me. Here's my spin on it... I have a hole. It was specially made just for sex. You following me on this one? When two people have sex, the outie goes into the innie. Got it? A chick's vagina [gasp!] is sexually stimulated by the friction caused when a guy's dick.. Oops. Penis moves in and out. It feels good. TRUST me on that one. The guy is aroused too.. Shit, y'all get off on beer commercials and classic cars. Nuff' said. The verdict: Both get off. Hopefully. I have no sexual stimuli in my ass. Everyone enjoys taking a dump. Garbage in, garbage out. Yada, yada, yada. But the idea of some guy tearing my ass up to get off, isn't a mutual pleasure. Oh sure you'll be gentle. Two minutes into it and a chick will need a tazer gun to get your attention. Bottom [pun intended] line... If the only thing I'll get out of it is sutures, it ain't happening. Sorry, guys. Of course, the term "tearing into you with my cock" has its appeal.
A friend of mine wanted to take me to some spa for a relaxing day of gasping for air in a sauna. Then get into a vat of dirt so that the next year or so I'll have dirt coming out of my ass. And to top it all off, have some stranger snap various bones in my body while saying, "Ah, now doesn't that feel better?" Lovely. I'd rather slam my head against the wall until I knocked myself out. Sleep off any tenseness in the coma. Maybe it's just me.. Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority. But when ever I get a back rub, it means sex. First the guy starts with the whini.. Mentioning of aching muscles. Somehow the chick magically gets a degree in physical therapy and is asked to give a backrub. Fine. Whatever. So she practically snaps wrists working out his tense muscles in his back, pushing them into the guy's pants. Then it's her turn. Somehow a woman's shirt and bra transform into a suit of armor and must be removed. She lays down on the bed. He gently sits on her legs, being careful not to cut off circulation... and then snaps her collarbone and punches his thumb through the shoulder blade. You guys think you're so slick. Mortally wound a girl so that she begs you to stop. And as she's lying there, immobile, you convince her that taking of her cloths will alleviate the pressure and heal her. Like Orel Roberts. Speaking of oral. No, no. I'm getting a head of things. D'oh! First of all, why does the chick have to get naked first? Couldn't you make up some story about the healing power of nudity? You don't want to chafe her sensitive skin with your jeans as you're puncturing her lung? If you can get a chick to believe you've got a cramp that only she can take care of, come on people! Let's put some imagination into it!.
If they have classes on safe sex, why can't they throw in a lesson or three on oral sex ? Safe sex doesn't have to be lousy sex. When 'pleasing your woman' means annoying the shit out of her until she begs you to 'please' come up and start fucking... something's wrong here. What if she stuck your dick in her mouth and just sat there? Simply putting your tongue up against the clitoris and drooling is the equivalent of sticking your finger up to someone's' eye and say, "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you." Someone's gonna get slapped. I love Sam Kinison's theory... "It's not a fence. You're not painting it. Pretend you're writing a letter to Santa... with your tongue. In calligraphy." Oh yeah... Hmmmmm. Oh. Uh.. And that's why I don't want some funky stranger named Heinrick giving me a massage. What was I saying? Shit.
Anal Sex... The Last Frontier
So you want to have anal sex, huh? How many guys are nodding their heads. What is it with men and anal sex? I can't tell you how many guys have told me about their desire to have anal sex. And how many have asked me. Here's my spin on it... I have a hole. It was specially made just for sex. You following me on this one? When two people have sex, the outie goes into the innie. Got it? A chick's vagina [gasp!] is sexually stimulated by the friction caused when a guy's dick.. Oops. Penis moves in and out. It feels good. TRUST me on that one. The guy is aroused too.. Shit, y'all get off on beer commercials and classic cars. Nuff' said. The verdict: Both get off. Hopefully. I have no sexual stimuli in my ass. Everyone enjoys taking a dump. Garbage in, garbage out. Yada, yada, yada. But the idea of some guy tearing my ass up to get off, isn't a mutual pleasure. Oh sure you'll be gentle. Two minutes into it and a chick will need a tazer gun to get your attention. Bottom [pun intended] line... If the only thing I'll get out of it is sutures, it ain't happening. Sorry, guys. Of course, the term "tearing into you with my cock" has its appeal.