Diva
04-04-02, 01:18AM
May 14, 2001
I finished my last day before a most wonderful 3 week vacation of cleaning the house and finishing up my web site. You'd think I would be bouncing off of the walls. Unfortunately, my sporadic micro-managing supervisor bought herself a brand spanking new microscope. And guess who got spanked... Not the monkey. Of course, the term would be more like tickling the fish. Oooo. I like that one. Anyhoo, by the end of the day, I was so wiped out, I figure it'll take me the whole vacation to get over it. As if a woman really ever gets over it, right? I know, I know... I'm a woman. No, I'm not selling my gender out. You have to admit, we got the back end of an elephant kind of a deal. We have passion. Sure, translate that into guy speak: Overreacts, too sensitive, PMS-ing, lacking rational thought. Of course this comes from a gender that compares the act of pulling over to ask directions to that of castration. I used to think that was just a gender bashing joke. Then my last boyfriend passed the off-ramp on a day trip 6 times because he didn't want to stop. Quick tip here, guys... It looks cheesier if you get lost and drive around aimlessly. Trust me on this one. Speaking of ex's... I have quite a few under my belt.. Ummm, yeah, that way too. I ran into one of them at the supermarket, this evening. I made a late night run for coffee creamer. Thank G-d I went with makeup on. Of course he looked good. The usual banter ensued. He kept asking about my non existent love life, etc... The whole time I'm thinking, "Damn! He looks good. Why did I ever break up with this guy. Oh man, could he fuck. Why on earth did I break up with him?!?!? he excused himself for a sec to answer his cll phone. I grabbed mine and called my friend.. "No time to chat.. I just ran into (his name) at the store. Ohh, does he look good. And he's wearing the cologne that drives me wild! Do you remember why we broke up? Uh huh. Yep, I remember now. Thanks." I hung up the phone and walked out of the store. Aren't friends grand? They remember EVERYTHING and EVERYONE stupid that you have done and can rattle off specific details at a moments notice.
I bumped into this chick I knew in my teens. Not to be dramatic, but my living situations were very untraditional. I moved out on my own at 14 years and became an Emancipated Minor. I somehow proved to the courts that I was able to get a job, stay in school (A student, so eat my dust) and not become a waste of life. Imagine being a teenager without anyone to set rules or limitations upon you? Yep. I was a little wild-thing. But lets not go there. So, I bump into this chick and we decide to go out and catch up on things. It was fun for a day. Apparently, she lived to vicariously through my life, though. When we met up with some friends of min, she started retelling stories of my wild ways... in detail. I'm still getting razzed about them. It was a different time. I lived in a safe area. We didn't lock our front doors or car doors. I knew my neighbors. The guys were decent. And it was hot, damn it! I knew the fifteen guys she and I were walking in the mountains with. It was dark. I took off my top. I had a bra on. Bikinis have less material. Nothing happened. But she told that story over and over. That and the guy we met on the freeway story. Okay, that one was bad. By the end of the night, I couldn't wait to drop her (off).
The only drawback that I had living on my own was my lovelife. I liked older men. Three to Eight years older was my range. That's fine and dandy when you're a teenager and into your early twenties... But I'm 34 years old. I don't want a forty something relationship. The guys in my immediate age range are going through mid-life crisis, filing for divorce or dealing with young kids. No thank you. I stayed single because I wasn't about to jump on the "I need a man to make my life complete" chickwagon. Now I'm on the "Gee, having sex on a daily basis would be nice" hindsight-wagin. D'oh! (Homerisms... Use them wisely). Maybe I should re-enroll in one of those dating services. What do you think of this title, "Single, Celibate Chick Seeks Dick. Man May Be Attached".
Nipple Slip? I Got The Whole Freaking Cooch Box!!
Britney Spears wants to be in her own video game. Can you imagine. Oh wait, what am I saying? This chick's head has been photo-shopped onto everything but ebony. What's the background music going to be? Fuck Me Baby One More Time? Oops! That's Okay. We Can Do It Again? Will she be sitting in a chair with her signature pose? Who does she think she is... Christina Aguilera?
On a very sad note, Douglas Adams died of a heart attack. He was 49 years old. I have the complete set of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I still read them from time to time. If you have never read The Hitchhiker's Guide... you have no taste. Mr. Adams, you will never be an SEP to me. Go make G-d laugh. He needs it.
Germany- Officials have ordered a man to remove an Internet address from his mother's gravestone. I think I'll just say "WTF" and leave it at that.
Morons, er.. I mean researchers at Carnegie Mellon's Robotics Institute updated the traditional pogostick so that it jumps forty-two inches off of the ground. You need 60 to 80 inches of clearance. What's wrong with this picture? Did someone lose at a Hippity Hop race as a child? Sixty to eighty inches of clearance? Where do these people live? You'd need a flame-thrower to get that kind of 'personal space' around here. The visual I got when I first read this? Carnage. Twisted, Darwinian carnage. The gene pool cleaner must be in rare form today.
I finished my last day before a most wonderful 3 week vacation of cleaning the house and finishing up my web site. You'd think I would be bouncing off of the walls. Unfortunately, my sporadic micro-managing supervisor bought herself a brand spanking new microscope. And guess who got spanked... Not the monkey. Of course, the term would be more like tickling the fish. Oooo. I like that one. Anyhoo, by the end of the day, I was so wiped out, I figure it'll take me the whole vacation to get over it. As if a woman really ever gets over it, right? I know, I know... I'm a woman. No, I'm not selling my gender out. You have to admit, we got the back end of an elephant kind of a deal. We have passion. Sure, translate that into guy speak: Overreacts, too sensitive, PMS-ing, lacking rational thought. Of course this comes from a gender that compares the act of pulling over to ask directions to that of castration. I used to think that was just a gender bashing joke. Then my last boyfriend passed the off-ramp on a day trip 6 times because he didn't want to stop. Quick tip here, guys... It looks cheesier if you get lost and drive around aimlessly. Trust me on this one. Speaking of ex's... I have quite a few under my belt.. Ummm, yeah, that way too. I ran into one of them at the supermarket, this evening. I made a late night run for coffee creamer. Thank G-d I went with makeup on. Of course he looked good. The usual banter ensued. He kept asking about my non existent love life, etc... The whole time I'm thinking, "Damn! He looks good. Why did I ever break up with this guy. Oh man, could he fuck. Why on earth did I break up with him?!?!? he excused himself for a sec to answer his cll phone. I grabbed mine and called my friend.. "No time to chat.. I just ran into (his name) at the store. Ohh, does he look good. And he's wearing the cologne that drives me wild! Do you remember why we broke up? Uh huh. Yep, I remember now. Thanks." I hung up the phone and walked out of the store. Aren't friends grand? They remember EVERYTHING and EVERYONE stupid that you have done and can rattle off specific details at a moments notice.
I bumped into this chick I knew in my teens. Not to be dramatic, but my living situations were very untraditional. I moved out on my own at 14 years and became an Emancipated Minor. I somehow proved to the courts that I was able to get a job, stay in school (A student, so eat my dust) and not become a waste of life. Imagine being a teenager without anyone to set rules or limitations upon you? Yep. I was a little wild-thing. But lets not go there. So, I bump into this chick and we decide to go out and catch up on things. It was fun for a day. Apparently, she lived to vicariously through my life, though. When we met up with some friends of min, she started retelling stories of my wild ways... in detail. I'm still getting razzed about them. It was a different time. I lived in a safe area. We didn't lock our front doors or car doors. I knew my neighbors. The guys were decent. And it was hot, damn it! I knew the fifteen guys she and I were walking in the mountains with. It was dark. I took off my top. I had a bra on. Bikinis have less material. Nothing happened. But she told that story over and over. That and the guy we met on the freeway story. Okay, that one was bad. By the end of the night, I couldn't wait to drop her (off).
The only drawback that I had living on my own was my lovelife. I liked older men. Three to Eight years older was my range. That's fine and dandy when you're a teenager and into your early twenties... But I'm 34 years old. I don't want a forty something relationship. The guys in my immediate age range are going through mid-life crisis, filing for divorce or dealing with young kids. No thank you. I stayed single because I wasn't about to jump on the "I need a man to make my life complete" chickwagon. Now I'm on the "Gee, having sex on a daily basis would be nice" hindsight-wagin. D'oh! (Homerisms... Use them wisely). Maybe I should re-enroll in one of those dating services. What do you think of this title, "Single, Celibate Chick Seeks Dick. Man May Be Attached".
Nipple Slip? I Got The Whole Freaking Cooch Box!!
Britney Spears wants to be in her own video game. Can you imagine. Oh wait, what am I saying? This chick's head has been photo-shopped onto everything but ebony. What's the background music going to be? Fuck Me Baby One More Time? Oops! That's Okay. We Can Do It Again? Will she be sitting in a chair with her signature pose? Who does she think she is... Christina Aguilera?
On a very sad note, Douglas Adams died of a heart attack. He was 49 years old. I have the complete set of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I still read them from time to time. If you have never read The Hitchhiker's Guide... you have no taste. Mr. Adams, you will never be an SEP to me. Go make G-d laugh. He needs it.
Germany- Officials have ordered a man to remove an Internet address from his mother's gravestone. I think I'll just say "WTF" and leave it at that.
Morons, er.. I mean researchers at Carnegie Mellon's Robotics Institute updated the traditional pogostick so that it jumps forty-two inches off of the ground. You need 60 to 80 inches of clearance. What's wrong with this picture? Did someone lose at a Hippity Hop race as a child? Sixty to eighty inches of clearance? Where do these people live? You'd need a flame-thrower to get that kind of 'personal space' around here. The visual I got when I first read this? Carnage. Twisted, Darwinian carnage. The gene pool cleaner must be in rare form today.