View Full Version : Do you think cyber sex is cheating?
Well? Is it cheating... or harmless?
minerjoe1963
09-17-01, 06:20AM
yup, i think it`s cheating. people are involved, it`s not like some video game. if you want to cyber ( roll play ) you should play with the one you are with. sorry
Scranton
09-17-01, 06:51AM
What would most people here be cheating on?
Their fucking hand or dildo? If they get their kicks fair go. They ain't doing any harm, they are'nt going out raping or shit. So the only thing your cheating on is your joystick......
Redallnite
09-17-01, 08:15AM
I know the real thing is a whole lot better than trying to type with one hand.... To me it just seems stupid. Remember I am an old married woman.... :D
So if you found out your husband was doing that... would you consider it cheating, old woman?
Jennafer
09-17-01, 12:58PM
I don't think I'd care if my dude was cybering. I'd just think he was dumb.
Redallnite
09-17-01, 06:37PM
Well he tried too, but he couldn't type fast enough so he asked me to type for him!!! The only thing I could do was laugh so hard I almost wet my pants!!! He can try but he is too slow to keep up............... :p
Scranton
09-17-01, 10:02PM
Ah but what if your partner was "dead from the waist down" and you had no other means of getting sex from anywhere else!
Would you say it's cheating then?
Attaching electrodes to your genitals at that price for the "HARD"ware is'nt as cost effective as going to South American countries where they do it for free.
If you like a bit of Masochism that is.....
Hmm, Mind, body and soul! That was the deal! Whether a mind fuck or more, it is not a nice thing to drift. I must admit that my prurient thoughts of an online tryst would have to be with a woman that exists somewhere on this board. But, what about meeting for dinner? Noodles, er, pasta, Merlot, freshly shot Quail, (cooked over a grill of course), and a fast internet connection. Hmmm, sounds dandy, except for the guilt and the cleanup!
Local Gambels Quail is a light meat, requires garlic and cumin. Just a hint to Quail hunters around the world.
the intent to cheat is cheating enough. fuck what people say. once your mind entertains the possibility, shit is gonna be fucked up for at LEAST a little while. and the relationship WILL suffer. maybe not that moment, but in the future the deception in any form will rear it's fugly little head.
Redallnite
09-23-01, 07:30PM
President Carter had lustful thoughts is that cheating?
Was that about the killer bunny? Because if it was, then that's beastiality... and a whole other set of issues to deal with. ;)
Seriuosly, though. I think that it is cheating. If you have taken vows to be faithful and love only one person, I don't think it says anything about getting off on another. The core of this question is: Why would you need to get off with someone else? Once you've clamped that cuff/ring on... all bets are off. You had betterhave made up your mind that this is the person you want to be with forever. And then stick with it. It's respect.
Unforgiven
11-20-04, 05:53PM
I don't think it's cheating in the strictest sense, but I certianly wouldn't be happy about it, to say the least.
I don't think it is cheating but it is intent too. Probably just a matter of time. If your so unhappy in a relationship that you look for love somewhere else. In any form. The relationship has already failed.
Jake, respect is earned not just given because of a ring and some words. People change or hide things. Deceit and lies can be hard to know when you marry someone. Change is not always for the better.
kittyroze
11-20-04, 08:59PM
If your so unhappy in a relationship that you look for love somewhere else. In any form. The relationship has already failed.
Agreed, Cris. Then again, I think the person should have the courtesy to end the marriage/relationship before they cheat in ANY way. I think if you're going to make the effort to cheat, make the effort to tell the person you're with that it's over, and then, when your old relationship is all said and done, then go ahead and do what you want.
Jake, respect is earned not just given because of a ring and some words.
Maybe I'm just a naive dreamer, but I'd like to think that if I ever get married, that person will already have earned my respect. My intention is to spend many many years with my somebody before I marry them.
Then again, it's all so complicated. The one thing I demand relationships is honesty. I've been cheated on too many times to respect people who do it.
Kittyroze,
I agree and thought of asking if it is really considered cheating when you boyfriend or husband knows what you are doing?
I am a honesty freak also. I detest lieing and I am in a relationship that I was lied too and decieved from day one. But I was blind, I thought I knew him and was a true soul mate. It is very hard when you think you know someone and find out they lived a double life. I can't explain, But I thought when I married that it was forever. I found out what was going on years after we were married. Now I am a dreamer again and hope I can trust and love again. Everyone dreams.
Amaurote
11-21-04, 02:43AM
No, not at all, just...pointless. I know that makes me sound ultra-conventional, and probably I am, but while I'm sure this is going to provoke a chorus of "sex is more than just penetrative" (presumably forgetting that the most penetrative thing about real sex is that your sexual partner is actually present), I'm sorry, I think cybersex is the sexual equivalent of Dungeons and Dragons, only without the pringles and the spotty teenagers.
Evilpoptart
11-21-04, 06:32AM
Bang a Rang Am. I'm in total agreement here. Words on a screen are just that, words, text, letters, etc. It isn't penetration. We all look and see others we'd like to have sex with everyday. And under the theory of cyber sex being cheating, I guess "window shopping" is cheating too.
while I certainly will flirt in an IM window, I sure as hell won't act out some sexual foray or what have you.
Now if your significant other is cyberin da hoes, and your not gettin any, then I'd be worried.
Till then, tell em 1998 called.......they want their Yahoo Chat Rooms back........
HeavensAngel
11-21-04, 07:29AM
Now if your significant other is cyberin da hoes, and your not gettin any, then I'd be worried.
LMAO i really needed a laugh this morning!
Unforgiven
11-21-04, 08:44AM
Bang a Rang Am. I'm in total agreement here. Words on a screen are just that, words, text, letters, etc. It isn't penetration.
Does it have to be penetration to be cheating?
LizardKing
11-21-04, 08:48AM
If your engaging in cybersex and you are not sure if it is cheating, simply ask your significant other. Im pretty sure they will have an opinion on it one way or the other and thier opinion is the only one that should count anyway. Now if you'll excuse me I've got another 45 min. before my shift is over on the webcam.
I sure as hell won't act out some sexual foray or what have you.
And that's pretty much what's happening when you cyber with someone. Regardless of penetration, it's still cheating. If you jerk off on someone or let someone jerk you off, that's cheating. If someone finger-bangs you or you finger-bang yourself over someone else, that's cheating. Just because it's not coitus doesn't mean that it's exempt.
I don't look at it any differently aside from that there's no physical interaction. There IS another person on the other end of the message window. The intent is there, and the intent is what matters. If they were wanking off to porn, that's no big deal. It's non-interactive. If they were screwing a Realdoll, it doesn't matter, there's no emotion, no intent from the other party. But once another person gets involved, that's when things start to change.
I'm in total agreement with LizardKing on the idea that if you're not sure, ask your SO. They'll definitely be able to tell you yes or no. But essentially, it IS cheating because a) it involves another person, and b) it involves sexual activity of some sort, and c) it occasionally involves emotions, whether directed at the other party or just sexual frustration.
I've read too many instances online where someone's significant other (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, spouse) met someone else online. I'm assuming that they started to cyber, because that seems to be one of the steps in intarweb relationships(regardless of how inane the concept is), and then one person or the other made an effort to meet the other and it ended up in disaster for the uninvolved significant other, or for the person involved when the person that they were cybering all along turned out to be completely different from what they expected.
I don't know about you, but I'd be absolutely furious and torn to pieces if I found out that my significant other was consorting with someone of the opposite sex that they met over the fucking INTERNET and arranged to do so in our own home, no less. And even worse if they did so after any sort of mutual commitment between they and I. And if they decided to leave me for someone else, just up and out of the blue...I'd be out for blood.
If your SO doesn't know about it, it's cheating. If you have their permission, it's not. Just because it's in cyberspace doesn't make it any different. As JakeD said, it's about intent, and the fact that another PERSON is involved makes it different from wanking to the latest issue of Stuff... or the JCPenney catalog. :p
Amaurote
11-21-04, 10:17AM
Does it have to be penetration to be cheating?
No, but it has to be online to be lame cheating.
LizardKing
11-21-04, 10:45AM
Mmmmm... JCpenney.... And lets not forget the Craftsman catalog!
* LK Sneaks out to the woodshed with the Cabellas catalog...
oh no, he's been sniffing that doe estrus again. *giggles*
Poseidon
11-21-04, 12:53PM
Cybering should be a family/group activity where every person in the family can contribute to what is being typed.
Here's my spin on it. If you are in a relationship and cyber sex it is cheating. You are using another person to achieve sexual satisfaction other than the person you are with. I have known too many people who's SO met someone online and ended up leaving with them. Just ask some of our fellow NCTers who are going through the same thing.
If you are unhappy in a relationship then you get out BEFORE moving on. Anything before the divorce papers are signed is considered adultry to me. Unhappy? Get a divorce THEN start looking. I don't see how difficult that is. And as far as the SO not being who you thought they were when you married... Two wrongs don't make a right.
Like LK said: Just ask your SO how they would feel.
Unforgiven
11-21-04, 12:58PM
So uh...
Anyone want to cyber?
LizardKing
11-21-04, 01:01PM
* LK Sexes the computer moniter.
Unforgiven
11-21-04, 01:19PM
Woo!
* Diva looks at all the hair on the monitor
I don't know if this is cyber sexing or beastiality. :|
Unforgiven
11-21-04, 01:26PM
Pervert!
LizardKing
11-21-04, 01:32PM
Is it still beastiality if the critter likes it?:whome:
Bassmama
11-21-04, 06:22PM
I'm 99% w/JakeD, except for one thing- that's the porn site. I feel that yanking the wank in front of ANY other woman- even on the puter- can be seen as cheating by an SO. If your partner objects, it's cheating. If not, go for it.
Is it still beastiality if the critter likes it?:whome:
* Ice Man is (laughing) as he hears the goat in background going.......NAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Yes to what JakeD and enty said--it's about intent, not about penetration or a ring on someone's finger. If you belive you are in a relationship, you are. If you are in a relationship and then get emotionally/sexually involved with someone else behind the back of your partner, that's cheating. It's that simple.
One note--I met my bf online. We now live together. At no point at all did we cyber each other--simply because we both find it highly inane and it doesn't do it for either one of us. Real sex, now, THAT's a great thing!
HeavensAngel
11-22-04, 08:54AM
CyberSex is cheating. If your in a relationship, you should not be on the computer trying to find something else. What i don't understand is why people stay in relationships that are not sexually satisfying. If thats the case and u need to find it elsewhere, somethings wrong and you need to fix it or break up.
If you are able to be that personal with someone online, you must have some kind of feelings for that person. doesnt make sense
Evilpoptart
11-22-04, 10:08AM
I just think its words on a screen, but thats just me, and more amusing then anything. As for webcams, anyone turned on by grainy pics that move at 1 frame a second is just sad.
Here's my spin on it. If you are in a relationship and cyber sex it is cheating. You are using another person to achieve sexual satisfaction other than the person you are with. I have known too many people who's SO met someone online and ended up leaving with them. Just ask some of our fellow NCTers who are going through the same thing.
If you are unhappy in a relationship then you get out BEFORE moving on. Anything before the divorce papers are signed is considered adultry to me. Unhappy? Get a divorce THEN start looking. I don't see how difficult that is. And as far as the SO not being who you thought they were when you married... Two wrongs don't make a right.
Like LK said: Just ask your SO how they would feel. I don't understand how cyber sex can be considered adultery. You might as well call masturbating or viewing porn as adultery under those guide lines. I have never cybered and think it is silly, but I think it is a bit extreme to call it adultery.
Since your second statement fits my present situation, as you know. I will just state that some things are not planned. I was not looking for someone. But I may have found someone, then again I may not. Either way I am not going to put my life on hold for a peice of paper, basicly saying what I already know, that my marriage is over. I have never committed adultery, however the odds are that I will, considering a divorce can take years. But that is between my SO, my lover (if I ever have one), myself and my God.
As far as "Two wrongs don't make a right." I agree
I was not looking for someone and I have informed my SO of everthing I do and feel. I am not doing this to hurt him or because he hurt me. It is just the way things worked out. Well enogh of my own personal drama. I respect your view and just wanted to state that I disagree. That is all.
MeLsWeEtiE
11-22-04, 05:54PM
I believe it is cheating. For the simple fact, that it is interaction with someone other than YOUR someone. If I caught my man cybering, it wouldn't be any different than him having phone sex with someone. I'd be hurt. There should be no reason for him to want to stray at all, on the phone, the computer, or in person. Seems like people forget the meaning of "loyalty". A lot of people do it to fantasize about something different. And cybering is a lot different than getting off on porn. It's interactive. Pictures, movies, whatever, are not interactive. Pleasing yourself and letting someone else, directly or indirectly please you, is wrong. However, something comes into my mind from this past weekend. Saturday, me and Ben watched The Chronicles of Riddick...and lord knows, any movie with Vin Diesel will have my attention. I think he's hot and I won't lie, I wonder what he'd be like in bed, but there's no way that I would ever, even if I had the slightest chance, EVER seduce him (or let him seduce me lol) in any form of medium. No way. I have loyalty towards the one who has my heart and that's what means the most to me.
I don't understand how cyber sex can be considered adultery. You might as well call masturbating or viewing porn as adultery under those guide lines.
Because...there's...intent...and two willing parties involved....or did you just completely avoid reading my post?
There's a vast difference, because it involves two people with an attraction to EACH OTHER. That seems understandable enough to me.
Because...there's...intent...and two willing parties involved....or did you just completely avoid reading my post?
There's a vast difference, because it involves two people with an attraction to EACH OTHER. That seems understandable enough to me.
Yes, I did read your post.
If the two know each other, I can see it as intent.
But from what I understand, cyber sex is mostly between people that don't know each other. They are using it as another form of stimulation, the same as phone sex or porn. I am going by this source (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cyber+sex&r=f)
Maybe I am missing something here, but seems like alot of fuss over what is modern version of phone sex.
HeavensAngel
11-22-04, 06:57PM
OK Porn is not the same as phone sex or cybersex. That is so obvious. Phone sex and cybersex involves 2 people interacting with each other. Porn is a movie..images..not interaction.
But hell what do i know..I just a dumb blonde lol
Well, what your source fails to mention is any sort of prior commitment, which is the case in this thread.That definition is objective, where the situation proposed in the thread is subjective because it pertains to a hypothetical situation in which someone is involved in the aforementioned prior commitment. That definition is strictly that, a definition, with no other implications. We all know what cybersex is, so a definition proves nothing, especially considering that the situation proposed in the thread is VASTLY different because it's related to a situation in which someone is involved in a committed relationship.
Additionally, the definition has nothing to do with knowing someone or not knowing someone, like you said. Random sexual encounters happen in real life as well, and it's essentially the same as going and having a random sexual encounter with a live person while committed to someone.
HeavensAngel
11-22-04, 07:09PM
Well, what your source fails to mention is any sort of prior commitment, which is the case in this thread. That definition is objective, where the situation proposed in the thread is subjective because it pertains to a hypothetical situation in which someone is involved in the aforementioned prior commitment.
Oh Jake, It just makes me tingle when u use such big words :)
* HeavensAngel whips out the dictionary
LizardKing
11-22-04, 08:41PM
* LK grabs PB's dictionary and begins whacking JakeD over the head with it...Lizard no like when u use big words... Makes lizards head hurt!!!
N e 1 wanna cyber?
:p
Bassmama
11-23-04, 05:10AM
Sure- since that's the only way I'm gonna get any, from the looks of it!:whome:
That is- as long as I'm not cutting in on Boozer's territory.
N e 1 wanna cyber?
* entipy chuckles
U so fun-e
* Draaz walks in to see LK bashing JakeD over the head with a dictionary.....
*Shakes head* JakeD used big words again. Nice going JakeD.
As for the subject matter, I agree with My lovely wife on this. Cyber is cheating if your in a relationship. Unless you are both into it like some old aquaintances of mine were, webcam and all. Hated cleaning the keyboard every saturday morning. As for Pr0n on the net, eh, no worse that the average vieo/Magazine/dvd. So all in all it is a subjective subject and depends alot on the relationship and the conceptions of the limits in the relationship by those involved in it. (Translation for IM.....If you are both cool with it go for it. If not, unplug from the USB 2.0 port and go hop in bed with your SO.) So now that I have said all that, I saw Lilith running around naked, I will see yall later.
Amaurote
11-25-04, 10:35AM
I just find it amusing. Discovering the person you're going out with is cybering with a third party is a little bit like discovering that they're kiddyfiddling visisectionists, or Walter Mondale in drag and a falsetto voice. Any outrage you might theoretically feel would be tempered by the immediate onset of absolute and total sexual repulsion at catching them at it. You wouldn't even be tempted to post to this thread about it afterwards, the effect would be that bromidic.
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