Things That Go Burp in the Night

[Diva]

Last night was fun. I crashed out early, wanting to ready myself for today. My boss has been out for two days and is sure to be on the lurk for any little thing. Jake crawled into bed sometime around midnight. I awoke to the bed shaking. At first I thought it was an earthquake. When it happened again I realized it was something worse. Jake had the hiccups. What's worse was the smell that was flowing through our apartment. I jumped up and went for the kitchen, thinking he had left something on the stove. Nope. It was something he cooked and ate. Ew. It smelled rancid. After putting a layer of air freshner in every room I went back to bed. He hiccuped, I bitched. Finally I made him get up to try the usual remedies that work for me. He refused to do them correctly and then insisted they didn't work. I even went online to look up remedies. They were that bad. After teaspoons of sugar, a huge glass of water and me trying to scare him the hiccups remained. He refused to try anything else so I went to bed. He followed. A minute later he was on the couch. After twenty minutes of the cats jumping on me I was back to sleep. I woke up about 1:15am and went to check on him. No more hiccups, thank G-d. I woke him up and told him to come to bed. Thirty minutes after that I started hearing a high pitch whining sound coming from him. I wanted to scream. I started pushing him, telling him to go blow his nose. The fucker refused. No way was I going to listen to that all night. I took both hands and feet and pushed him to the edge of the bed. "Go blower yer nose!" I couldn't believe this was happening. He's such an ass when he's sleepy. Finally he listened and I fell asleep. Three hours later I am up to start the day and my energy is shot. I would love to call in, but know it will be a nail in my coffin if I do. I'm sending this to all my single friends who whine about how bad they want to be in a relationship. :P

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[Faydra Lune]

LOL

I think these are my favorite category of Rants. :)

[Bassmama]

Amen to that, sister! Snoring, farting, flailing around.... ain't worth it.

[joepa]

Love is grand.... nothing like getting booted out of the bed to remind one of the many forms that love can take.

[Bones]

You should have looked him straight in the eye. And told him. "I have to tell you something. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this for a long time.......... I used to be a man."
That would have scared the hiccups out of him. ;) I know it would have worked on me. I'm sure after extensive therapy. He would have forgiven you.

* Bones ducks as objects come flying from all directions.